


champagne & cosmos

by yourcloudnine



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, μ's seiyuu RPF, 声優 | Seiyuu RPF
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Falling In Love, Final Fantasy References, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Real Events, Pining, RPF - Freeform, RPS - Freeform, Rated T for language, Unresolved Romantic Tension, jolksmedia references, shin jolmedia nanjo-san radiosuru references, 中の人, 中之人
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24384664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourcloudnine/pseuds/yourcloudnine
Summary: Based on the established stories around Nanjo Yoshino's Birthday Acoustic Live 2018 and Kusuda Aina's guest appearance on the concert.Aina just wants Yoshino to rely on her, but alternatively: "Ever Since Yoshino Nanjo Started Wearing Skinny Jeans, My Life Has Not Known Peace.
Relationships: JolKs, Kusuda Aina/Nanjou Yoshino, ジョルくす, 楠条
Comments: 13
Kudos: 33





	1. visum — cosmos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Phoebubble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebubble/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic has been the child of my heart and soul, having been written in the span of many years, throughout many drafts and concepts: it's fragmented, yet it's somehow cohesive.
> 
> it was just around the second half of 2018...
> 
> thank you so much to my beta @zei_legato for all her help and critique; don't know how much of a dumpster fire of moodiness this would've been without you, birth bro.
> 
> also, the most thanks for @phoebubble who has been my muse for this project... must be weird for an artist to be a muse, huh? i hope you do read each word and know that you're special and loved.
> 
> here's the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Z6StTAm3KOy510kDyBk5b?si=PjeX-c7-Q3a1lN03lINAfQ
> 
> with this out of the way, i hope this finds everyone well.

**_campanie et cosmos_ **

**_visum –_ ** **_cosmos_**

anticipation.

turning from checking her own lips on the studio's mirror wall, aina proceeds to sit on the small chair in her corner of the room, observing the modest crowd of yoshino's staff waving their papers around as yoshino directs their choices as well as approve designs at the long table.

today, she and yoshino will rehearse a duet for yoshino's birthday live... it's to be performed acoustically, so it's definitely new ground for aina to explore.

aina herself has come from rehearsals of her own for her album's launch lives, though earlier than she should have...

her dance instructor encouraged her to leave early, noting how jittery she has been for a while. ah, but how could aina not be shaking with the looming pressure and excitement of singing with her _senpai_ and a clean accompaniment? aina knows her voice and delivery isn't perfect... 

with her anxiety chewing her as she sits idly in the corner, aina winds up staring at yoshino as the older stayed bent over the table, seemingly writing about the current conversation she's having.

and there, aina wonders when she'll reach the confidence yoshino has reached...

...and when her senpai has started to wear skinny jeans.

with a tilt of her head, aina scoffs to herself at the sharp turn of thought whilst yoshino changed her footing. it seems as though yoshino is deep in work as she taps her feet, the slightest sound being emitted. aina cranes her head, trying to see what face it is yoshino was making, for the stern, _business-y_ array of expressions has always been the most fascinating aspect of her senpai to her.

hey, also, what's up with the skinny jeans? that's a first...

as seconds pass of yoshino continuing to talk softly, incomprehensible from the distance, aina relishes the cozy atmosphere of just being around yoshino: even now when she's being handled by a different staff, the warmth and calmness she's accustomed to from yoshino seeps into every individual's practice and leads aina into such ease, even through the performance anxieties. 

and within the white noise of hushed voices from the staff responding to yoshino, aina sighs in contentment, grin still present as she reaches into her pocket for her phone and taps her feet.

"copy, team?" yoshino stands from her position sharply with a clear, resonant tone and posture of authority, though lacking any malice.

aina puts her phone down onto her lap, seeing the side of yoshino's face from her view, captivated by how naturally yoshino shows dominance without arrogance nor aggression.

somehow, the question crosses aina's mind on whether yoshino would make the first move if yoshino were to ever get married.

besides, would yoshino ever let anyone else control her? if so, aina correlates it now to why yoshino has been single for so long.

well, that was a weird thought...

as yoshino stretches her body, her staff only nod and turn back to their own directions in a hurry, understandably so since the event is just two days away and every second was priceless.

with a roll of her neck and a push to the small of her back, yoshino walks to the table's tip and turns to aina, silently looking for her affirmation with an inquisitive look and a thumbs up.

mesmerized, aina cannot help but keep her eyes on yoshino, pocketing her phone with a nod.

yoshino grins, then turns back from aina's view to return to what she was scribbling away at, picking it up and analyzing it, bending over the table...

the glory of skinny jeans shows itself square onto aina's sights today.

"ah, nan-chan you have a visitor—"

under her breath, aina mutters _nan-chan_ with awe, feeling an odd buzz within her head.

"no no, she's rehearsing with us! come in already!" yoshino stands with a hand on her hip, motioning the band in, yet aina doesn't budge from her realization—

"ah, hello!" yagi, yoshino's drummer, enters the room, hand raised and head lowered meekly in greeting to aina. "i've always wanted to meet you, kusuda-san."

aina blubs, barely nodding and raising a hand to return the greeting. the soft gesture extracts a laugh from the rest of the band and yoshino, making aina jolt from her thoughts and stand to bow properly. as she straightens with a flush on her cheeks, yoshino approaches her with a grin radiating of amusement.

"you've been in a trance for a few minutes, you ok kussun?" yoshino inquires with the gentleness she has always brought.

"yeah, i'm good," aina huffs in her subtle panic. "just bewildered on how you've started wearing..."

"...skinny jeans?" yoshino catches on with a chuckle after aina trails off, making aina nod. 

but before the two can elaborate, the band of four men along with yoshino's manager line up in front of aina, bowing formally, making aina stand up and pay her respects. as the men straighten up, aina claps her hands and introduces herself with a clear, "good morning, i'm aina kusuda! i will be singing with nanjo-san today, so please take care of me!"

a distant mumble from yoshino; "huh, _nanjo-san—_ "

and the roll call starts, the band with wide grins as they introduce their designations in the band to a receptive aina. yoshino gapes suddenly when aina bows for each member as thanks for the formal introductions and as the men applaud her.

"what?! you guys never did that for me!" yoshino sulks, making aina and the band laugh.

"dunno, you're more prince over princess," yagi says, marching toward yoshino to playfully jab her by the shoulder.

"what's that supposed to mean?!?"

"you should be with us in the trenches!"

kitamura laughs so hard with his hands on his knees, and aina swears that this moment is familiar.

even at the most foreign settings, the world always feels so comfortable and welcoming around yoshino.

after hoshino jabs at yoshino's androgyny, the performers share another laugh before yoshino just sighs and settles to going back to work than explain herself, although she still manages to mention _'it's trendy nowadays'_ in a low voice.

but aina caught attention to it, her breath in suspense.

ah, why did that simple thing bother her? was she overreacting? is this all just performance anxiety?

with a sigh, aina goes to her respective stool, breathing deeper as yoshino passive-aggressively sing-songs to the band how they shouldn't embarrass her to such a _special guest_.

as usual, thunderous laughter from the men.

stiffly, aina looks at the reflection of her and yoshino sitting on the stools, realizing her own need for honesty just like this.

"y'know, i haven't really... tried this style before." aina turns to the band, expression meek and honest. "to be transparent, i don't know if I'll be clumsy, so please take care of me!"

"oh, we surely will," morifuji smiles, gesturing to the rest of the band. "we're all used to guiding newcomers to other styles of music."

"we even teach them to experiment!" kitamura exclaims.

"them ol' veterans," yoshino remarks.

"oh we're showing our ages now, are we?" hoshino retorts, making the group laugh.

aina feels ease, although she still feels her cheeks get warmer as her eyes pan around the group laughing.

...then her attention fixates on the slackened posture of yoshino, whose hoodie was sagging off her shoulders, eyes squinting in laughter at genuine joy of the moment. then in a few beats, yoshino pulls her jacket up by the shoulders, turning to face aina with a smile.

"well, you're my friend— I'll deal with them if they make you mess up this performance."

"yeah," aina lets out, practically stunted. "you're my friend."

"you'll fire your brother for a friend?!" yagi exclaims, standing up from his drummer stool and motioning to himself, making everyone laugh again, though aina mostly tugs a smile and barely laughs.

...and through the session, aina wondered how much of yoshino was real, how much she did was just for the trends, and to what extent she could assume things about her senpai – all awkwardly, whilst soaking yoshino's being, every crinkled smile, pull of her clothes, tap of her hand and body stretch, wave of her sleeves, with unwavering attention – all while being unable to look her in the eyes.

"it's _too_ hot today," yoshino grumbles, promptly laughing off the problem as she catches aina's gaze. "is the climate just fine for you, kussun?"

aina blinks and looks away. "it's fine."

ahh, but when aina admittedly oogled on yoshino's ass whilst her senpai laid on the floor on her side, and then her exhilaration when yoshino groaned for her to sit next to her...

how much has been evaluation of character, and how much was really just perversion... or anxious fixation?

well, she succumbed to yoshino's call anyway, and she could tell that yoshino was genuine at that affectionate moment as she shyly asked if she could rest her head on aina's legs, so nothing has been changed; no cameras nor fans _does_ equal to genuity from the both of them, right?

geez, maybe it _was_ just too hot that day.

maybe also she just has a fetish for asses, and maybe also clingy people, and maybe also dominant figures, and then most of this weird _weirdness_ she's feeling is due to fans projecting some shit they have on them.

but she could also be...

...well, that can't be—

she probably just likes butts. yeah yeah, _buttsexual_.

aina presses the back button on her phone to draft a tweet.

—oh, that's too much, slow down there...

🤤

_'i'm too sleepy to go up by myself,'_ yoshino murmurs when aina wakes her up in the car after they've parked infront of yoshino's building. _'just sleep over again...'_

 _'so lazy,'_ aina sighs, albeit her fond smile betrays her.

of course, aina ends up sleeping over as always.

with yoshino always ready to lend her a shirt to sleep in and a towel for bathing, aina knew this arrangement would always come through more often than not.

aina yawns, stretching her legs across the sofa and then plopping her head to the armrest and feet onto yoshino's lap. the hunched yoshino wriggles her crossed legs without even detracting her eyes from the monitor.

"almost 3 am, nan-chan..." aina drawls with a fond smile, eyes drooping. "i want to actually sleep in this sleepover, especially since you have to finalize your live tomorrow."

"ah, i've done this before. besides, i've already napped on the way home! don't you want to learn some lore? who even sleeps this close to a boss batt—"

"besides, who never sleeps enough because of games?" aina lifts a leg up, toes nudging the bottom of the controller in yoshino's hands. "this is exactly what took me so long to get convinced to get a console – it's been bad for you!"

"...so it's not the lack of dating simulators and actual repulsion?"

"...then again, you might not be sleeping because your bed is so cold and lonely..."

yoshino looks at her companion, hands not moving. her expression shows that she's considering biting back at aina, mouth agape, but her gaze softens when aina yawns again, eyes getting watery. aina catches it and nods, nudging yoshino's thigh with her heel lightly.

"you also have work for your album tomorrow... go to sleep," yoshino turns to the tv and her keyboard with a sigh. "just give me a second."

aina whimpers, turning her side and closing her eyes to mock sleep.

yoshino only chuckles fondly. "go to _bed_! i'll just chat for a bit and then i'll follow you."

aina's gaze lingers on yoshino before she slips her feet from yoshino's lap, swinging her legs off the sofa to search for her slippers in the dark.

as aina finds her slippers, a message sound rings for yoshino's phone on the sofa, and aina feels a pinch of how she felt this afternoon but she still stands up, turning towards yoshino's bedroom with a sigh.

wading carefully through yoshino's dimly-lit house, aina can't help the feeling to amplify as she imagines yoshino with someone she doesn't know in her life; or better yet, someone she wouldn't expect, like a fan— maybe even worse, _a male_.

oh, she's just very protective, thank you very much.

aina catches a bit of yoshino giggling before she turns into the bedroom, making her groan and dive into yoshino's bed.

_you're my friend._

aina breathes into the sheets as she sinks her weight down onto the small bed, brows furrowing in frustration. how does one stop acting incredibly weird about a friend... possibly just changing due to aging?

aina settles to list through people she could ask for advice that aren't celebrities, yet she ends up scrapping the idea, realizing that they wouldn't know the feeling and effects of fanatics breathing heavily on one's intrapersonal relationships...

...and to nobody's surprise, the only other wiser person to ask about these things has always been just yoshino.

so aina sighs, resigning herself to the earth and the nature of all things, flipping her body to her back with another sigh.

aina starts to look about, slowly taking affection to the clutter around yoshino's room that gives it the presence and character of yoshino nanjo. aina sighs and takes a pillow and squeezes it in her arms, delight seeping into her.

ah, this is the real yoshino, is it not?

aina stays like that, basking in the warmth spreading from her chest to even the tips of her ears. aina's been here, yet she doubts how real yoshino's persona has been, and if yoshino can really be not what aina has assumed of her.

but even with the certainty of character, would yoshino like her?

then she hears the music from the living room stop and clacking of plastic, telling that yoshino has stopped playing and is clearing up her table.

aina squeezes the pillow in her arms harder, breathing deeply as if she could store at least the memory of the smell.

—and if she's so sure not ~~attracted~~ , ~~gravitated~~ , _magnetized_ to women, then why is she so stuck in this carousel of thought?

aina fixes her position on the bed, tucks herself under the blanket and returns the pillow to yoshino's side, taking deep breaths to calm her erratic heart. the skyline spotlights from outside bleeds through the pink and white curtains and it makes aina's mind spill on the atmosphere of the room.

aina closes her eyes, sensation of every sound, breeze and touch amplified in her fixation.

it's not really tranquil— it's real, too simple and organic, that it makes aina fear that she's growing accustomed to how she fits into yoshino's spaces and how yoshino doesn't mind her adherence to her... and how she herself wouldn't want to change anything, and that's why she's scared of how yoshino changed the slightest bit.

there's a sound of the tap running.

aina swallows a lump in her throat, trying to reel herself back from thinking too much.

a few moments later, aina hears footsteps and a soft _'you still awake?'_

"it's a miracle mugi-chan and chibi-chan could sleep even with your games," aina says, making yoshino squeak in surprise as she shuts the bathroom door. "or does the slave only play when the masters aren't awake?"

aina sits up, looking at yoshino who holds a towel and her phone in her hands, glasses askew on her nose, making her way to her side of the bed.

"i told you," yoshino sneers, tugging her loose flannel shirt off her shoulders, leaving her with only her undershirt. "i'm the boss in this house."

aina has seen yoshino with her undershirt enough for it to not be a novelty, but by god, her recent internal meltdown might've just made this look so much more ~~attractive~~ ~~alluring~~ interesting than it should've been... or _usually_ is, for that matter.

"okay then," aina shrugs, flopping her body down to the bed with her eyes squinting to see yoshino tossing her flannel to the adjacent office chair. "like you didn't get another seat just because chibi wanted to be on your usual dining chair."

aina chuckles as yoshino started grumbling, flipping the blanket open, legs weighing the mattress down beside her. "i was just pampering them, geez..."

aina catches the soft click of yoshino's placing her glasses on her bedside table as yoshino slides down the bed, inching closer to her but turning to the side facing away.

the constriction in aina's chest starts as a spark sets off in her ideas, and she leans closer to brush her arms and legs against the back of yoshino's.

yoshino nudges back with a hum. "now, let's sleep. good night ku—"

"could you pamper me, too?" aina's eyes squeezed shut, ribcage seemingly too tight.

"...huh?" yoshino rustles, and aina could feel every shift. "what do you want me to do?"

"well..."

aina takes a moment to piece her intentions, suddenly feeling yoshino flipping her body to face aina, making aina anxious about yoshino leaning in closer in the dark to see her tense expression.

aina turns her body to the side, away from yoshino with a deep breath.

"nan-chan... let me ask you weird questions."

after a beat, yoshino's body weighing on her side makes the soft mattress dip, then aina feels like she's being swept by a gust from yoshino laughing lightly, leaning her body onto aina's back.

"oh, thought you wanted a massage... alright," yoshino whispers, chin nudging into aina's hair, as her hand suddenly rests on aina's hip under the quilt.

"what do you..." aina hesitates, but swallows down her troubles when yoshino gets closer, hand sliding down over her stomach to hold her in a hug. "feel about our pairing?"

"ahh..." a light shift of yoshino's head, then one of her feet knock against the heel of aina's. "jolkusu? it's..."

aina shuts her eyes tight and anticipates rejection — or rather more fittingly, ridicule. yoshino's barely audible humming thrums through aina's chest, and her throat pulses harsher than ever—

yoshino clicks her tongue.

—there was honestly never a slither in aina that believed that yoshino would take that seriously.

well, they're just _friends_.

"it's a good creative...medium. it's for our fans," yoshino drags.

aina responds without any hitch, letting her confusion talk over. "i know you send me fan content, nan-chan, but do you laugh?"

she's met with a chuckle, and aina knows then that she's right for bracing herself for pain.

"is it funny to you? be honest," aina cuts through yoshino, whose arm tenses. "i'll have nothing else but your honesty."

"don't get that wrong, kussun." yoshino sounds stern. "personally, it makes me happy because they support us."

aina opens her eyes, easing her pained chest as she revels in yoshino's comforting earnest persona even for a moment.

"it makes me happy because people love us," yoshino lifts her body, leaning in to see aina's face, who steels herself and looks away blankly. "i mean, enough to dedicate such passion projects into us."

yoshino proceeds to put a hand on aina's shoulder, pulling the younger to lie flat on her back and face yoshino properly, eyes meeting hers. aina's eyes fall to yoshino's, breaths deep and heart thudding against her chest, reverberating to her ears.

yoshino presses down on aina into an open invitation to a hug and aina melts into the crook of yoshino's neck, lips barely ghosting on her clavicle—

aina closes her eyes again, arms wrapping around yoshino, inhaling and squeezing all she could have. 

"hey, i think it's good, so i hope you're not uncomfortable with it."

"not at all," aina bites on her bottom lip, palms pressing on the flat expanse of yoshino's back. aina wishes for more, she craves and barely holds herself back. "that's why i was asking you – i don't hate it at all, nan-chan."

"it does make us more popular," yoshino pats aina's head. "but i know you want to be known for your own ways..."

"that's okay now, really..." aina nods, nose rubbing onto yoshino's skin and the collar of her sleepshirt. "i've been fine with it, and at least it's you."

aina feels as though there’s something left to be said.

yoshino parts their hold a little to look down at her, and aina sees her smile against the dim, far lights. aina nods again.

"at least we know we make a good pair," yoshino rests down into a hug again, laughing. "don't we?"

"we do..."

aina wondered if yoshino's ever felt this: if she knew how much of a jumbled mess could be felt in your insides until it hurt... she braces herself for injury, yet yoshino's kindness comes forth and _stings_.

"kussun?" yoshino pushes up off of aina, hands already on her cheeks. "you're crying?"

aina gasps, warm tears streaking more down her cheekbones as she shakes her head and pries yoshino's hands off of her face.

aina wipes her tears with her wrists. "no, no! it just makes me happy, too."

yoshino sighs with blatant fondness. "we make them happy too, huh.."

yoshino then places a soft kiss on to aina's forehead, and aina can't help but shudder, pushing yoshino back to her side then burying her head into yoshino's shoulder.

yoshino chuckles, holding her closer, and aina knows she can live like this...

but that's definitely not the whole truth.

🙁

in the morning, aina wakes up to the whirring of the ceiling fan and the softest of pacing on the floor around her.

the sheets are cold, aina absorbs, then flops to her stomach to simmer in the feeling of being _there_ — being able to drown herself in yoshino's existence.

aina still wonders what within her really brought her to tears the night before, and how deep it truly runs.

a soft purr and a slight dip on the mattress makes aina lift her hand above where the cat is, groaning as the cat pushes her hand down with a heavy paw. she notes how the bed dips significantly and how calm the animal is.

"oh, mugi-chan," aina mumbles with a smile, turning to her side to pet the chunky cat properly. "i kinda wish to be you."

mugi butts her head up to aina's palm, eyes closed and relaxed. aina sighs, flopping to her back.

"you've been through a lot with her... you know everything," aina mutters, staring at the ceiling fan. aina then shuts her eyes, running her free hand over yoshino's soft, pale yellow sheets. mugi purrs again in response and aina furrows her brows, breathing through her nose to calm her heart.

...

_oh..._

"yeah, that's right... she loves you a lot..." aina trails off. mugi meows deeply in response, making aina groan. "that's..."

"eh?" yoshino disturbs the peace with a sudden loud plop and mewl the entrance of the room, making aina jolt away from the cat. "what, did we drink at all last night so now you think i'm a cat?"

"eh, but you always think i'm a puppy. that's just fitting," aina says as she pushes her body up, swinging her legs off the bed. with a smirk, aina runs her hands into her hair in an attempt to tidy up a little, turning to yoshino. "hey, but you do know your fruit liquors don't even hit that hard, right?"

yoshino laughs, and then laminated wood of the floor feels too cold on aina's feet. aina wonders how that frequency isn't specially designed to make anyone's knees buckle and heart flutter.

aina grimaces within at her reception of it; what shoujo manga was that thought from? the more aina processes how she reacts to yoshino, the more she's convinced that she needs to get over this _phase_ quickly.

admiration probably just hits odd peaks sometimes.

"uh right, i came to wake you up because i made breakfast!" yoshino exclaims, turning back to the outside of the room. "don't worry, it's just fried eggs over rice."

"your fans will freak," aina manages as she pries her slippers from under chibi's body. "you can actually cook just fine?"

"of course!" yoshino exclaims from the kitchen, "i'm just lazy!"

aina snorts, making a beeline for the bathroom. with yoshino humming in the kitchen, aina smiles while she sees at herself on yoshino's mirror, proceeding to look for her toothbrush and facial wash. "did you even sleep..."

aina finds her toothbrush, then it dawns onto her that she has a place with yoshino, so she's being selfish for—

chibi mewls aggressively into the bathroom, startling aina out of her self-contempt.

ahh, wait... no, not now.

"the eggs are fried because they've been in my kitchen for a week," yoshino remarks loudly as aina applies her toothpaste on the brush. "i still have natto, though it's practically frozen..."

silence prevails after, but aina feels like there's still sounds of conversations within her as her thoughts about being with yoshino unravels.

guess there's just a lot to say, huh?

aina gargles to rinse, envisions another toothbrush on yoshino's toothbrush cup, then spits onto the sink with a frown.

"the guy you're marrying isn't going to have many problems..."

aina slurps more water to gargle, hearing yoshino groan nearby. "oi kussun, what's with that train of thought?"

"ah, well, you do so much..." aina says audibly after spitting her gargle out.

"why are you bringing that up so early in the morning," yoshino knocks on the slightly ajar bathroom door, tone close to a grunt. "just eat while your rice is hot, i'm getting hungry."

at that moment, aina wonders if she can pry further.

washing her face, aina sighs about it; why not pry indeed? it's not like yoshino could take it as her being suspiciously interested if yoshino never took jolkusu seriously...

...but she's not interested the way their fans want her to be, oh no, and yoshino shouldn't think that.

aina, to herself too, thinks she shouldn't think that.

_'thanks for the meal',_ aina hears after a while from yoshino, making aina sigh deeply.

"god, you talk as if i've discussed something morbid," aina laughs wryly as she grabs the towel yoshino provided for her last night and wipes her face, groaning into it as she realizes how so many facts contradict each other in this scenario… like if she wasn't interested, then why is her chest constricting right now?

"well, isn't it? women are so much easier to live with," yoshino only responds as aina steps out of the bathroom, making the younger turn to her. yoshino sat on the dining table, grimacing. "i mean, men? in this household?!"

"huh, what?"

"just the thought of it..." yoshino shudders, looking at aina squarely to get her humor across.

aina only stares with wide eyes, visibly still processing the information.

awkwardly, yoshino picks up her chopsticks and looks down on her food, smiling wryly. "hope you don't think i'm weird—"

"i'm more of relieved." aina blurts too fast as she snaps forward and pulls her seat, glancing away from yoshino to the food in mixed frustration and embarrassment at the sheer _convenience_ of the moment.

"ah?" yoshino pauses from digging her chopsticks into her egg. "don't you like men?"

"well i... do." aina drags, glancing fast to see yoshino's small smile.

"oh," yoshino mutters, taking a mouthful of rice. "thanks for being tolerant, i guess?"

yoshino mixes her own rice and eggs, grabbing a small sheet of seaweed to top the bowl with as aina looks on with her hands sitting idly on the table.

"women's tenderness seems to be..." aina falters, suddenly compelled to take back the step. "well... i'm accustomed to..."

"ohh," yoshino's expression turns stern, and she blinks. "sharing love with women is easier, isn't it?"

aina nods and yoshino smiles fondly in response, to which aina notices how effective yoshino is at communicating silently: a forward nudge of the head, urging aina to eat, simple yet effective...

maybe aina's just more observant around yoshino, but it sure is almost like art in subtleties.

"thanks for the meal," aina says in tradition, and yoshino smiles with a slight tilt of her head to the side as she continues to eat.

yoshino's so stupidly _intricate_.

aina hastily picks up her chopsticks with an urge to break her line of thought. "um, have you ever... with a woman..."

_shit – wrong question._

"oh yeah," yoshino leans forward with her elbows, motioning aina to focus on eating, making the other nod. "i have been loved, very dearly..."

aina nods yet again, proceeding to mix her food. opening her mouth to pry further, aina glances to yoshino, only to meet her eyes as yoshino smiles wryly at her whilst bringing her own bowl near her lips.

"i think she opened my heart to it, and that's important."

yoshino takes a mouthful of her food, keeping her eyes on aina. smiling nervously, aina follows suit, wondering why yoshino seems to have a different tone about this.

"i tried to love her too, but i didn't love her as much."

"what?" aina says in confusion, following with a quick swig of her water. "but why not?"

"her world didn't align with mine." yoshino shrugs, placing her bowl and chopsticks down. "her priorities, her principles... she was younger, clingier, just didn't understand my living."

"oh," aina mouths, "the lifestyle wasn't for her?"

"and she tried to change it..." yoshino leans back, sighing. "it's kinda condescending too, as if i didn't have a staff – i didn't think i was doing _too_ much..."

aina hums in thought, wondering how to break the truth to yoshino as she puts the chopsticks back on the table.

"i knew she was just overprotective, but it came from a place of selfishness sometimes," yoshino muses. "i think she just wasn't someone i'd spend my life with..."

silence comes and yoshino picks her chopsticks up to poke at the bowl of natto, still stiff and frosted from the fridge. aina continues eating, eyeing yoshino's right hand that’s free of anything but the champagne-colored bracelet they created together just months ago.

wishful thinking.

"still too cold," yoshino murmurs about the natto, placing her chopsticks down.

"you barely eat here, evidence one." aina smiles, placing her elbows on the table to prop her chin on her right palm.

"i don't exactly have a reason to _stay_ at home, do i?" yoshino chuckles, nudging her chin to gesture towards her room where her cats currently were. "those guys are rarely here anyway."

"have you thought about who you'll grow old with yet, nan-chan?"

"not really..."

yoshino looks at anywhere but aina, yet aina attempts to catch her gaze by leaning closer.

was yoshino thinking of someone, although she was really uncertain and wary?

with that question, aina feels her heart practically stop, and she hates that a part of her wishes against the thought... because she knows what's the right thing to say.

"you know," aina ticks, tapping on the table, making yoshino glance at her for a moment. "you _do_ take a lot on your person... she's right."

"i mean, i'm doing fine?" yoshino seems exasperated somehow. "she didn't need to worry, she didn't need to..."

every sound in the room seemingly vibrates into aina's skull.

ah... there's no denying now, maybe.

"can't you just rely on other people, though?" aina blurts, staring straight at yoshino. 

yoshino's eyes close with a sigh, and aina smiles fondly at the slump her shoulders take.

"you can count on... a lot of us."

aina lets it be silent for a while, letting yoshino be honest.

"you can be tired, senpai."

"don't..."

after a few beats, aina realizes that she herself isn't wearing her own cosmos bracelet, so she blames that for getting her unhinged like this... but shrugs it off.

"nan-chan, you do know you could definitely tell me your secrets, right?"

yoshino picks up her posture and finally looks at aina, seemingly earnest. "what makes you think i have any?"

"well, for starters," aina tilts her head to the side and smiles. "you haven't told me anything about what you've shared with her..."

"i'll do that," yoshino nods, but it’s apparent how tense she got with her strained sigh. "i'd just have to reevaluate things, i guess."

"gotcha."

...but is it bad that aina somewhat dreads the possibility of yoshino finding someone _else_ to rely on?

"thanks, kussun."

yeah, wishful thinking.

😣

everything's going according to plan!

aina's album is going through the mass manufacturing process and the prototype went beautifully, her live tour details are _finally_ finalized, her schedule's now coherent for the next six months, her live stages are now all already planned, everything's on the f—

"do you need your gift for nanjo-san wrapped?" aina's manager chimes in, entering the dressing room as aina was about to send a text to yoshino, making aina jolt.

"shit, i forgot to get a gift!" backspacing her message quickly, aina groans, palms almost coming to her forehead until she realized how her makeup's already done. "no, i barely have time, i still have to..."

aina's manager replies in an almost fatherly tone. "calm down, aina-chan... i can run on over to a department store, i can find something useful to give to her! maybe something like a—"

realizing what conversation with yoshino it was that she was about to reply to, aina tunes out the suggestion and places her phone down on the table in front of her then leans back on her seat.

well, yoshino rarely really asked for material things anyway, even when she herself gave aina trinkets so often...

"just get me some board-like paper," aina sighs slightly, biting her lip. "yeah, that's right... some vellum, maybe an envelope? a small sketch pad... and colored markers."

"huh?" aina's manager gives her an incredulous look, making aina chuckle. "what, why?"

aina hums in thought, suddenly confident in her choice, grinning suddenly towards him. "nanjo-san will probably like what i'd do better."

aina's manager nods, albeit looking confused. "is that so?"

"well, yeah," aina chuckles after a pause. "her taste is _lame_ , but not as dad-like as yours anyway."

"hey..!"

aina laughs again at his slow and weak reaction, turning her attention back to her phone to think of what to write to yoshino. "thanks for volunteering to get them – i'll make it up to you!"

aina's manager just sighs and aina holds her laughter until he leaves the room.

> **_NY_** _: sure would be great if we could travel again like old times huh_
> 
> **_NY_** _: but you're also busy nowadays_
> 
> **_NY_** _: but i guess that's a good thing! ^^_
> 
> **_NY_** _: i'd have to set an appointment to meet you now though (lol) [3:33 PM]_

> **_aina🦑_** _: yeah, you'd have to pay an appearance fee for me to show up, or redeem a voucher. high demands, u know! [6:36 PM]_

> **_NY_** _: ehhh... if so then i'd have to tour a lot before we travel then... your fees are expensive 😣_
> 
> **_NY_** _: had dinner yet? (lol) [6:37 PM]_

> **_aina🦑_** _: whoa, a fast reply? at this hour??? [6:40 PM]_

> **_NY_** _: my phone was in my hand_
> 
> **_NY_** _: if you've had dinner, wanna grab some tea? [6:42PM]_

> **_aina🦑_** _: oh sorry, gotta finish something 😭_
> 
> **_aina🦑_** _: it's got a deadline [6:50 PM]_

> **_NY_ ** _: oh well, that's fine ^^_
> 
> **_NY_ ** _: see you tomorrow i guess? i can't wait! [6:51 PM]_

placing her pen snug on her ear, aina groans at the fourth voucher and rests her forehead on the steering wheel; if only she did this sooner then she wouldn't have to miss tea with yoshino... but what else would yoshino like from her, anyway? how many more can and should she make of these _kussun vouchers_ until it's too apparent that she just wants to spend more time with yoshino?

promptly turning the light off then reclining her car seat, aina closes her eyes with a huff, crossing her left arm over her eyes. aina proceeds to pout about the thought of having to drive home...

...when yoshino's home is just _so_ close...

" _augh_ , why does everything lead back to you?!" aina exclaims, eyebrows knitting under her tense left arm.

but what has been the exact same as it has been since yoshino came and stayed deep into her life, gradually influencing her? even aina herself knows that her perseverance and her future has yoshino's fingerprints on it, too.

whilst calming her breath down, aina only then realizes that her heart's erratic again. sliding her arm off her face to put a hand over her heart, aina's bracelet hits her wrist, making her feel her own pulse against the accessory.

"nan-chan," aina whispers in the solitude of her car, taking deeper breaths. lifting her arm up, aina opens her eyes to find the bracelet is shimmering in the headlights of a car passing through the car park. 

the stones shine like a single star in the sky, making aina think of space, time, magic, gravity, and the need to go home.

"nan-chan... i think i..."

a loud buzzing occurs from her cupholder, so aina glances to it and fishes her phone out begrudgingly.

[ **nanjo-senpai** ]

aina jolts upright, sitting up so fast as she takes the call.

"nan-chan?"

"kussun, sorry to bother you but, um—"

"no worries," aina notes the faint clacking of plates. "what's going on?"

"i was wondering when's the soonest you're free?"

"i'll come over to your place now—" aina says fast, hissing and wincing at how apparent her eagerness is. "—if that's fine?

"uh, well..." yoshino pauses, seemingly moving around. "sure? i'll be home soon, just paying the bill."

aina smiles, straightening her car seat. "alright, on the way home now. want me to pick you up?"

"i'm very near, you don't have to." yoshino chuckles softly and aina's smile stretches. "i might get home earlier than you would! thanks, though."

aina moves to keep her phone nestled between her jaw and her shoulder, suddenly excited to clear the papers off her dashboard, wondering what yoshino wants for the night. "you sure? i'm about to drive off now."

"yeah, i'm sure. see you."

with a hum as a response, aina drops the call.

breathing deeply, aina glances at her bracelet again pensively; what could be so important that yoshino had to contact her again, asking for her time?

releasing the hand brake, aina just clicks her tongue – _fuck it_ , she thinks.

 _fuck it_ because there's a universe of possibilities when it's yoshino, so might as well just hope for the best.

👣

"so, i got an early present..." yoshino starts as soon as aina enters the room. "...but i don't exactly know how to use it."

not failing to note how yoshino kept the door unlocked, aina proceeds to remove her shoes as she squints inquisitively towards the large box yoshino holds against the wall.

"wait, did you expect that i'd know how to assemble and use a telescope?"

"nooo," yoshino raises her hands in defense, sheepishly smiling. "there are instruction manuals online! i was just..."

yoshino averts her gaze whilst visibly flushed, throwing aina a little off balance as she wriggles out of her left shoe. after finally succeeding on removing her shoes then nudging it under the shoe rack, aina exaggerates a hum to question yoshino's prolonged silence and shifty eyes.

"uh, well... i want you to see the stars with me again, like we promised." yoshino laughs wryly, only to fan her face once aina's head snaps to look at her. "since we can't really go distances anymore and all."

aina gapes at yoshino, eyes wide open almost comically. "no, really?"

yoshino laughs wryly again, and aina flinches as her pulse quickens – a resounding _oh no_ coursing throughout her brain follows as she feels her cheeks take heat.

"well, i also _do_ need some help but..." yoshino moves the box gently, lying it on the ground then crossing her legs. "that's kind of a given, maybe?"

"oh, i thought you just loved me."

yoshino laughs wholeheartedly, and aina understands how _butterflies in the stomach_ feel like again as her cheeks stretch to a smile, although her teeth grit too.

the squirming sensation in her guts feels sickening; so painful, yet it feels so genuine and unlike anything aina's ever felt.

...would things work better if she checked herself with a doctor first?

yoshino proceeds to pry the thick tapes off the box, suddenly confusing aina as it unravels. "wait, why on the floor?"

yoshino opens the top of the box. "isn't a bigger workspace less dangerous?"

"ah, right." aina leans on the wall, hands rubbing on her face to hide her blush. with a hum, aina then cranes her neck and squints to see the illustration of the product closer. "wait, but where exactly are we gonna place this? that takes quite a bit of floor space..."

yoshino hums in thought, lifting the metal rods of the stand lightly. "uh, near my bed?"

"then why not assemble it on your bed?" aina pats her cheeks one final time before walking closer to yoshino, placing her bag on yoshino's nearest table then crouching to see the small bolt screws.

yoshino tries to move the bigger pieces of the telescope's body, only to make aina cringe at the clang of yoshino's failing to lift the metal. "yikes..."

"too heavy... your call."

"what is this, industrial type?!" aina takes the lid, sighing as she shuts the box.

"actually it's a starter medium type! but you can mount a DSLR camera on it," yoshino jabs, raising her eyebrows with a cheeky smile. "very close."

"you're bragging. and it's working on me," aina clicks her tongue, making yoshino laugh. "let's just get it in the room already..."

"hey, you stay over so often anyway." yoshino looks at aina again, smiling as softly as she always does. "it's as much yours as it is mine, as far as i'm concerned."

yoshino tips her head to the side and aina can't even respond, feeling her cheeks take heat yet again. thankfully, yoshino doesn't mind much as she looks down at the box, uncrossing her legs.

with a bit of lift at yoshino's side of the box, aina proceeds to slip her hands under the box to support it. with both gradually standing from a crouch, yoshino and aina carefully balance the heavy box as they walk past the crumpled tapes, through the quaint living room then into yoshino's room.

"uh, i've downloaded the PDF manual," yoshino notes as she sheepishly kicks away a stray bottlecap on the floor of the bedroom. "i'll try to see the steps."

rounding the corner of the bed, aina gingerly lets the end of her box down, looking up to yoshino following suit with a faint smile. without a plop, they settle the box at the foot of yoshino's bed successfully.

aina slides to the vacant space next to the box, closing her eyes, lying vertically with her lower body dangling from the bed. when she opens her eyes, she sees yoshino fishing her phone from her back pocket, making aina chuckle.

"hmm?" yoshino responds, merely glancing at aina.

"nothing... just read the instructions already."

aina would've told yoshino why she was laughing– because of the lack of reprimanding regards to her lying on the bed without changing her clothes –if yoshino's pensive face wasn't so _cute_ from where she's at. 

yoshino only responds with a laugh of her own, but then squints into her phone, frowning deeply.

as moments pass and yoshino keeps making sounds of apparent confusion, aina takes the context clues.

"...it's difficult, huh."

"y-yeah..."

aina sits up from the bed, patting her jeans for her phone. "i'll try a video?"

"oh, good idea!" yoshino beams, putting her phone into her back pocket then sitting on the bed again.

again: right, left, right, left... after moments checking her own pockets, aina finally realizes what's up.

"please fetch my phone, it's not with me." aina pouts, lazily plopping back on the bed

"huh?"

"nan-chaaaan," aina draws in an endearing manner, yet yoshino only stares with confusion. "or do it on your phone, i dunno."

yoshino murmurs something unintelligible in blatant confusion, taking her phone from her back pocket again. aina responds by standing up with a grunt, stomping out of the room to retrieve her phone from her bag.

"eh, what did i do?" yoshino calls from the bedroom, tone tinged with baffled amusement. with aina huffing a loud dismissive grunt as an exaggerated reaction, yoshino's lively laugh rings through the house.

aina suddenly questions herself on why she has not fixated _enough_ on how wonderful yoshino's laugh is – such a clear tune like the clink of glasses and as chipper as the whistles of a bird – and it's just _unfair_... can yoshino stop being so…

walking in strides to grab her bag and place it on the small sofa, aina huffs. hearing pacing coming from the room, aina stays quiet.

turns out, yoshino followed her.

"kusssssuuun!" yoshino whines, peeking her upper body from the bedroom, seemingly amused by aina's tantrum. "what did i do?"

"nothing," aina deadpans, checking her notifications. "no wonder you don't have a girlfriend, though."

"do all girlfriends do that?" yoshino asks with a laugh, only to be met with further silence from aina. "no, was that a lesson?"

"you need some educational adventures in your life, wow." aina deadpans yet again, garnering an irritated hum from yoshino which still ends with an airy laugh. 

"babe, c'mon! let's just get this thing together already."

maybe aina's becoming accustomed to it, especially since it's become an aspect of their job to act like so, but flirting affects her less than most of the things yoshino does now; if anything, it makes her wonder if it's because it's yoshino's honesty that's taken her, or because aina herself knows it's either fodder or banter everytime.

"but...are you sorry?"

"yeah," yoshino giggles, walking to stand behind aina. "i'll pay more attention, kusuda- _san_."

aina makes a small, polite smile before she turns to face yoshino, only to crack a grin and laugh once she sees yoshino exaggerating a pout. yoshino laughs too, in such a genuine way that aina just succumbs to her charms and hugs yoshino as she keeps giggling. sliding her arms around aina's hips, yoshino hums as aina nuzzles into the crook of her neck.

holding each other has been a way of theirs to convey support wordlessly, but aina only truly feels the love when the hugs linger for longer than usual.

"...so, are we ever gonna fix up the telescope, or...?"

aina steps even closer into yoshino's space. "let's walk back like this."

yoshino laughs, but aina grumbles into her neck with a squeeze to her body, making yoshino seize her laughs in her throat.

"fine," yoshino says, making aina hum in delight as her arms rise up to round yoshino's neck. "but you do more of the work, i'll just help lift stuff."

yoshino can't help but giggle as she takes a small step backwards. "ok, _alright_?"

"ok, _alright_." aina smiles, inching towards yoshino's warmth as they walk together.

...can yoshino stop being so damn _lovable_? aina can only squeeze her so tight; she's not sure how to be satisfied.

🌃

squeaks, rustles and loud patters on cardboard fill yoshino's home tonight as her cats play with the remnants of the telescope's packaging.

"you know, that whole shtick about us not travelling together is so lame," aina says with a yawn, picking up bits of plastic and foam from the floor. "we do that all the time in final fantasy."

"but it is what it is, isn't it?" yoshino stretches the garbage bag as aina stood, making her way to throw the mess in. "it's just a fantasy... escapism?"

"our trip was fairly recent, though..."

aina places the trash into yoshino's bag, then proceeds to take the hems of it to tie it shut: pull taut, then toss to yoshino's trash bin.

"can you turn off the light and shush those little shits out?" yoshino asks, turning to the telescope. "and nasu kogen was still work you know, unlike four years ago."

aina pulls the carton box of fully grown cats out of the room, shuts the door and then hits the light switch in a flash, turning the already dimly-lit room almost pitch black. 

"ohh, so... you mean you wanna travel alone together?"

yoshino adjusts the tripod, peering little by little into the telescope to test its trajectory. "right, alone together..."

with yoshino's words trailing off, aina excitedly walks closer to yoshino's side to see her face with bated breath. forehead wrinkled, yoshino tweaks with the focuser with strained breath.

would it be indulgent of aina to grasp all her chances?

she will never truly have self-restraint around yoshino, even when yoshino herself teaches her to be calm and collected, aina finalizes.

so aina tucks yoshino's hair behind her ear then leans her head onto her shoulder, taken by surprise when yoshino lifted her shoulder up to accommodate her.

they just stand in silence as yoshino fixes the focus and trajectory, her breathing easing gradually being aina's only way to know the visual's status.

"kussun," yoshino suddenly murmurs within the silence.

"hm?"

"would you ever leave me?"

taken off-guard, aina freezes on the spot, her mind unraveling.

yoshino retracts in realization, jerking up away from peering into the telescope. "i'm sorry, that was a terrible question—"

"i wouldn't ever, nan-chan."

"—you could choose to not answer..?"

yoshino stays tense, but aina regains her composure and pries yoshino's hand open with a deep breath.

it takes yoshino a few moments to clasp back on aina's hand. "that was manipulative of me, sorry."

"no, i would tell anyone that if they asked." aina bumps her hip onto yoshino's, a laugh ghosting under her breath. "about you, that is."

"i wasn't thinking..." yoshino rests her head on top of aina's, then she sighs again. "uh, well..."

"is something up, nan-chan?"

an audible gulp from yoshino, and aina feels somewhat anxious. "i wanted you around because i'm trying to be more honest..."

aina pries her head from yoshino's shoulder to face her completely, smiling as yoshino responds with a squeeze of her hand; only the lights from the window illuminate them, much more like a soft glow, so these touches feel more pure, amplified.

"i also want to be honest to myself..."

yoshino steps closer to aina, flipping her hand to make the contact more comfortable. simple enough, but then yoshino steps further and rests her forehead against aina's.

the moon and the city lights make yoshino's skin feel more mystifying, but it also shows aina all of yoshino's vulnerabilities, as she sighs and looks down at her feet, eyebrows creased.

"truth is, she broke up with me," yoshino croaks, looking up to aina. "i... picked my career over and over again, than be with her..."

"oh," aina lets out, expression betraying her as she takes a moment to absorb the information...

"are you mad?"

...and the fact that there's nothing much to be said about it, especially from aina herself.

"no, why would i be?" aina scoffs, breaking her contact to yoshino's forehead then looking out to the window. 

"because i lied?" yoshino visibly cringes.

"no no no, that's no problem." aina waves her head in denial, showing a strained smile as she looks back to yoshino. "it's your story, so you have the right to tweak it for some people."

watching yoshino's expression change from anxious to calm makes aina wonder if relief could be contagious, because yoshino's soft smile was so easy to describe as soothing. yoshino clears her throat and swallows audibly before grinning, making aina's cheeks relax, smile easing into a genuine grin.

"thanks," yoshino says, her thumb sweeping across aina's knuckles. "i... haven't really told many about it."

aina chuckles. "i mean, no one's even sure if you find catgirls hot, so that's no surprise."

yoshino laughs, head bobbing to the side.

"so, the relationship?" aina inquires, feeling obligated to. "uh, how long has it been since?"

"um, ten years?" a frustrated sigh, then yoshino clears her throat. "relationship or none, nothing has changed between us."

yoshino releases aina's hand, nudging her chin to the telescope. suddenly enthused, aina smiles as she eagerly leans into the eyepiece, tucking her hair to the back of her ears again.

like glitter, the image that lies beyond the telescope glistens and swirls light continuously – it's alive, and aina longs to fly and watch it forever.

then, the realization hits aina that the view gives her a sensation she's felt before when she felt a hand on her shoulder; luminescent and vast, aina wants to reach out to see how it is to be even closer, but the fear of causing disruption and floating into nothingness... 

the view from the telescope makes aina feel like yoshino does – with all the same parts of hers so simple, ethereal, nerve-wracking and inspiring rolled into one – and aina loves it.

unable to resist smiling, aina breathes deeply in reflection: to think that all this time that this surrounded the universe, it took her this long to admit to reach such a realization... 

"i don't know what i'm looking at, but that's what i say about you all the time," aina says with a grin, eliciting a confused stammer from her companion.

with the hand on her shoulder slipping off, aina is caught off-guard once she feels breath on her cheek.

"what the hell are you even looking at..?" yoshino grumbles, squeezing a giggle out of aina. "you're looking at a nebula."

"i didn't know that it was a _nebula_ but i like it," aina tuts, peeking out of the eyepiece to face yoshino. "it's pretty."

aina catches yoshino's eyebrows raise, only for yoshino to suddenly pull away from the breath's distance they were in to return to her stance before, looking out of the window.

"what? you are," aina presses, peering into the eyepiece again.

nothing but silence follows after, one which shouldn't have bothered aina as much as it does. letting minutes pass, aina swivels the telescope a little, looking to what's beyond the nebula, wondering how far she can push her friendship with yoshino until she can't contain her love anymore.

aina wonders maybe it's better to encourage yoshino to orbit away, into the dust past the cluster...

at the end of the day, aina doesn't really know _how_ to make yoshino happy, even if that's what she wants to do.

"then there's still a chance to come back to her.." aina cautiously pieces together, swallowing a lump in her throat after her delivery. "w-well, that is if you still love each other–"

"–no, i'd rather not." yoshino interjects, making aina look at her to witness an earnest but serious expression. "she said that i didn't love her as much as she loved me, just because i chose career and to an extent, my family... that's not love."

"well then," aina laughs wryly. "guess that went sour, rightfully so."

"i don't want to be left alone..." yoshino trails off as aina witnesses her gaze grow distant, farther beyond the night sky.

aina can only nudge yoshino's shoulder, suddenly growing hesitant to hold her hand – but what _would_ make yoshino happy?

"meanwhile, i..." glancing to yoshino's blank stare, aina takes a deep inhale. "i think i need something consistent in my life."

"hmm," yoshino acknowledges, although she still seems pensive, keeping her eyes out to the sky.

aina clears her throat after a moment of silence. "guess i'm just saying _you can count on me staying_ but..?"

the silence grows, and aina wonders if she understood yoshino's plight correctly.

"i'm friends with the rest of my exes," yoshino shrugs, nudging her hand on aina's. "atleast the women, but y'know..."

"huh?" aina's eyebrows knit, suddenly taken aback as she nudges yoshino back. "multiple? how the he—"

"do i look like i don't know how to love?!" yoshino sneers, almost comedically.

aina nods in silence, then takes a moment until she starts to laugh genuinely.

"stop laughing, hey..." yoshino could barely hold the pretense of annoyance, biting her cheek to hold her laughter in. "hey, stop!"

"th-thanks for being honest, at least." aina says with a grin, breathing deeper as her eyes finally meet yoshino's. "i, for one, have cut all ties with most people i've dated..."

"thanks too," yoshino laughs, breaking the eye contact to peer into the telescope again. "i only had two other girlfriends, if you want full transparency."

aina doesn't really know how to deal with that information, swallowing nervously as she wonders of what to ask.

"how about transparency on your current status regarding commitments?" aina's head tilts to the side with a wry laugh, watching the slope of yoshino's back. in response, yoshino's frame shakes from a laugh.

"such composition of words... but yeah, i can't do those kinds of relationships," yoshino keeps to the telescope, although her posture seems different to aina. "well, unless someone understands my work, which sounds unlikely."

aina swallows questions that arise in her mind like _'are you happy?'_ and _’would you try with me?'_ with a long exhale, which is practically a sigh; aina knows those aren't things yoshino need at the moment, and she probably wouldn't ever know what's appropriate.

 _might as well say anything_ , aina finalizes with a shrug to herself.

"...wanna get back with any of them?"

"no, not at all!" yoshino scoffs, sweeping the telescope to the right. "both of the others are more _flings_ than real romance, really."

"then technically, you haven't had romance in ten years..." aina tries to see yoshino's expression, but to no avail as yoshino's hair covers her face like a curtain. "hard to believe we knew each other back then."

"yeah..." yoshino says, tone lingering in an uncanny valley. "funny, yet i feel like..."

"...like you've only known me for four years?" aina feels an unknown weight fall off from her shoulders. "because that's what i've felt for you."

"not really just that, it's more of..." yoshino mumbles as she steps away from the telescope to look at aina. "i feel like i should've been closer to you sooner, and that i should know you... _better..._ "

"what...?" aina mutters, flustered and caught off-guard. "uh well, i get it, but wouldn't your then-girlfriend be jealous of me?"

yoshino shrugs like usual. "ohhh no, she got jealous of you even then."

aina can only watch yoshino's kind smile turning into an amused cheshire cat grin as her own eyebrows knit in further confusion. "i was gonna make it a joke about me being too cute but... _what...?_ "

"when we walked around during the illumination festival and we took a photo together?" yoshino ends up chuckling when aina looks away from her, visibly piecing together everything.

"oh... no way!" aina jolts in realization, slapping yoshino's arm playfully whilst remembering the winter of 2013 bit by bit. "i should've held your hand, made a statement and all!"

aina knows that all that time has already passed and there's no use fretting about it, yet she can't help but frown at the wasted moments.

"so many things we could've done..." yoshino says, practically voicing out what aina's been thinking as she slings an arm over aina's shoulders. "we could've traveled more, huh?"

"all i did was drive you home," aina sighs, glancing to yoshino's hair tickling her cheek. "when i could've scolded you for the terrible hairstyles..."

"oh, let me live." yoshino huffs, unable to resist grinning. "i was blaming my hair for her breaking up with me, y'know."

"well, if you're correct..." aina reaches out to pinch the ends of yoshino's hair with her fingers mimicking a pair of scissors. "i thought the boyish look was cute, so it's her loss."

"gender rumors, though." still grinning, yoshino brushes her own hair back with her free hand.

"wouldn't have thought twice, since you looked like an idol guy." aina flicks at yoshino's hand as yoshino tries to touch her hair too. "hey, that's not a bad thing – you looked _cool_."

"really?"

" _really._ "

yoshino lets out the kind of genuine laugh that aina likes from her so much – all from the gut, cheeks stretched and eyes practically closed. aina cherishes the thrum of yoshino's laugh on her side, poking on yoshino's rib playfully.

when the laughter wordlessly died, yoshino motions to the telescope again as her arm leaves aina's shoulder.

aina glances at yoshino then the telescope in confusion, only for yoshino to insist by motioning to the device. aina nods and smiles, leaning down to peer into the eyepiece. as she gets closer, the light blooms into aina's view, eliciting a gasp from her once she absorbs the details of the moon's grooves standing out from the close-up image.

"nan-chan, _it's the moon..?_ "

"w-what?" yoshino stutters, making aina glance at her inquisitively.

after a moment of awkward silence and yoshino looking away muttering _'nothing'_ , aina realizes the problem of the sentence.

_なんちゃん、好きだよ。。？_

clearing her throat before turning back to the telescope's eyepiece, aina couldn't help but think through if she should even tell yoshino how deep her affection runs in this lifetime–

aina touches the telescope's zoom dial, gradually seeing the whole of the moon, sighing as she parses the image of this moment.

–but now is still far from the right time; yoshino would be cornered into accepting aina's love with her judgement being clouded by her vulnerabilities.

aina knows she too, would not handle rejection well tonight whilst being so candid, so she sighs.

subtly listening to yoshino's feet tapping lightly, aina just frowns at the thought of yoshino still wanting someone who could not even let yoshino prioritize anyone _but_ them.

"thinking about it again, it was all patience." aina mutters, hearing yoshino's beat halt. "nan-chan, you deserve someone understanding of your priorities."

a heavy sigh, then suddenly yoshino clicks her tongue. "ah, i know, but it's so hard to know where you fall into love..."

"tell me about it..."

aina cringes at the silence that followed her reply again; is the world mocking her every heartfelt, natural move here?! trembling, aina nudges the telescope's body to the left with a chew to her cheek.

yoshino's elbow meets aina's side lightly with a barely audible laugh. "y'know kussun, you also deserve someone who supports but challenges you..."

"wha..." aina makes a noise of confusion, jutting her hip to yoshino's side. "why'd that cross your mind?"

"nothing, really." yoshino says, casually patting aina's back. "it's a natural realization."

a stretch of silence, and aina couldn't resist anymore: "realization of what, nan-chan?"

"well, that you don't care about your own lack of romance," yoshino makes a thoughtful noise, then sighs. "i mean, aren't you following my choices _too_ closely?"

"not at all," aina parts from the telescope, shrugging as she turns to yoshino. "just been thinking, since most significant others could be demanding or restrictive."

"right, makes sense it's called a _commitment_ huh..." yoshino nods, her amused grin glowing under the city lights. "it gets me way too anxious in relationships – what if they hate me once i go back home or have work in the weekends?!"

"that shouldn't even be a problem!'

aina clicks her tongue, only for yoshino to chuckle.

"so glad someone understands..."

yoshino's clear sigh was enough for aina to slip her hand to yoshino's hip, pulling the older woman closer to her side. "isn't it just common sense?"

both of them turn to one another, eyes locking as aina gives a bright smile.

they stay smiling at one another, without a word.

"what?" yoshino says under her breath, visibly confused.

"i'm happy you understand me..." aina looks back to the expanse of the city outside their window, pensive. "but of course we'd understand each other – we're both entertainers."

feeling like they held some tension for too long of a moment, aina bows her head onto yoshino's shoulder with a deep sigh.

"it's so draining having to cater to what _everyone_ wants of us—" yoshino croaks, clearing her throat gently before speaking again. "especially at these times – like, what are we anymore...?"

aina could hear her own heart beating too loud; the thought of yoshino even _reconsidering_ their relationship has become something she's yearning for, pounding at her ribcage from inside her chest.

"so complicated to explain..." aina sighs shakily, feeling yoshino's chin rub against her head.

only hearing the faintest of the city's cacophony with yoshino's breath, aina looks over to the sky with the need to cling to this forever - cling to the vagueness of what they truly are, and what they feel for one another, and cling to avoiding speaking her heart…

_when the sun sets_

"oh, did you know about how sailors used the stars to navigate the sea?" yoshino whispers, placing a warm hand on aina's forearm to squeeze her gently. "prominent people who knew how to were polynesians."

"oh, the people from hawaii?" aina gawks at yoshino, feeling warmth spread across her own cheeks.

"yeah - it's how tahitians found the island." yoshino sighs, just like the lovestruck way she does when she talks about final fantasy. "i _really_ wanna learn about it."

"what, really?" aina smiles, inching even closer to yoshino.

"constellations," yoshino says with a thoughtful tone. "i wonder how they've read them... i can't even piece out any coherent images over here."

...as much as aina wants to live in such an indulgent haze, it occurs to her that no — yoshino would only want honesty, and so would aina herself.

"my name is also a hawaiian word, yknow."

yoshino makes a noise indicating her curiosity, making aina turn into yoshino's neck, chuckling a bit.

" ** _aina_** ; guiding me on the search to her when i needed you..." aina murmurs as she nuzzles further into the crook of yoshino's neck with bated breath.

yoshino makes another thoughtful noise, making aina chuckle.

"i wouldn't have found the land i am on now if not for you, i mean."

"oh, there you go again..." yoshino grumbles immediately. "that's nonsense, you know—"

"nonsense, but true," aina's body turns toward yoshino, gently pulling her closer into a hug by the waist. " _aina_ means a living land, and you're my guiding star to find _me_."

silence stretches on, yet aina smiles at peace with parts of the truth she's shared from her heart.

"well, i never thought my influence would be so..." 

silence continues to linger where aina felt yoshino should've spoken her thoughts out, making aina's smile drop as she sighs in surrender; yoshino could probably see through her now, huh?

"...do you dislike it?" yoshino asks, finally.

"no," aina answers loud and clear. "i want you here."

yoshino turns, enveloping aina in her arms. "i'm glad."

_and the moon rises—_

aina parts from the hug, only to see a fond smile on yoshino, quelling her worries.

if anything, aina will do anything to stay close to this warmth; to be loved by yoshino, even if her mouth should bleed holding back half of the truth. 

"should we play final fantasy in a while?"

...thing is, could aina truly resist saying more?

"sure."

maybe all aina should do is to convince herself that yoshino _isn't cute enough_.

"hey nan-chan, is the night sky the same in the game?"

"oh, i don't know - that's a great idea! let's see together, kussun!"

yoshino's rare enthusiasm can be contagious...

(yoshino lets out a small, excited squeal – failed step one.)

_you are the stars in my destination,_

_the calm of home._

🧘

it's been comfortable almost-silence since they've started playing final fantasy 14.

yoshino finally yawns, urging aina to nudge the older to sit back.

aina's pretty sure she should hurt herself more about yoshino though, since she can't stop thinking about leaning into yoshino's shoulder and falling asleep holding each other in the couch—

"what height do you think's ideal for you to date?" aina says fast with a nervous chuckle, eyes wide at yoshino jolting her dropping head up. "i mean ever since mimo chose to date okada-san, i've wondered about these things..."

"uh, tifa from final fantasy is 160cm," yoshino says with a small yawn, "not _too_ tall, i guess?"

"really," aina whistles with feigned amusement, biting her lip right after. "don't like shorter girls?"

"she's just the ideal girlfriend for anyone, though?" yoshino slumps against the sofa with a sigh. "but i never actually thought of my type of girl, especially their height..."

  
  


aina only stares.

  
  


yoshino's eyes turn to aina after the seconds of silence. "did _you_?"

"...not really."

aina wonders if yoshino felt the stretch of silence shift from comfortable to unbearable right after those words as she feels her own jaw clench over three words that threaten to pass through her mouth.

"sleep over, kussun."

_i like nan-chan…_

"aina-san."

"wh-what?" aina jolts, eyes wide at yoshino calling her by her first name.

"sleep here again?" yoshino says as she places her controller on the table.

"oh," aina looks down on her clothes, grimacing in thought. "i have nothing to wear to work tomorrow..."

"don't you have clothes in your car?" yoshino nudges aina, obviously fighting a yawn.

aina rethinks her life choices, starting from the first time she let yoshino take her dirty shirt and let her sleep over. "uh, you mean the dirty clothes from last night?"

"oh, right," yoshino blinks in realization. "do your laundry here, no problem."

"wow," aina scoffs, deciding to humor it out."not letting me borrow your clothes? is there another woman?!?"

"what? i was thinking—" yoshino pauses as she raises her hands in panicked defense, only for aina to stifle a laugh. "what, i was! i just thought you'd like to wear your own clothes."

"i do, but you have some adidas i don't have," aina says with a smile at yoshino's expression of pure exasperation. "i just wanna experience some of those!"

an overdrawn sigh comes from yoshino, but then she chuckles right after. "right, but you can't experience my shoes, tiny feet."

"aaaand she found one thing she's bigger at!" aina huffs a laugh, nudging yoshino's feet with her own. "big feet only matters if you have..."

a few seconds pass, only for aina to clue yoshino in by motioning to yoshino's crotch.

"hey…" yoshino looks down on her pants with an amused smirk. "who says i don't?"

seconds pass yet again, only for yoshino to nod to aina as if to confirm the theory correct.

"...is that why you usually wear those _soggy_ pants?!?"

"i–" yoshino almost bursts into laughter, only to let out a cough. "might you mean _baggy?_ "

aina closes her eyes as she laughs, falling to lie on the sofa, head on yoshino's thigh. whilst aina clutches her stomach, yoshino laughs along wholeheartedly, looking down at aina.

aina opens her eyes as she's catching her breath, only to meet yoshino's eyes on her – needless to say, aina takes deeper breaths right after.

lying on yoshino's thigh suddenly reminds aina of something odd that hasn't left her mind for most of the day—

"but really, what was up with the skinny jeans the other day?"

—something of _utmost_ importance.

"you left that here in your ecobag…?" yoshino trails, tone straddling sheepish and confused. "i ran out of pants the other day since they were all set for washing, but i'll return it and then buy you a new one—"

"what? no!" aina jolts, eyebrows raised. "i think i'd _recall_ clothes i own, thanks."

"eh, but my clothes are rarely tight-fit," yoshino's brows furrow. "thought you remembered those were yours, and that's why you asked."

"no, i asked because you look _great_ in those," aina remarks honestly, earning her a shocked expression from yoshino. "not because i wanted something!"

"but that's the problemmm," yoshino drags with a sheepish smile. "i can't resist buying stuff that remind me of you…"

"resist it!" aina rolls her eyes, sitting up. "how would you be able to buy a car that reminds you of me if you spend so often?!"

aina grabs her controller again, shrugging as she moves her character out of the idle animation; yoshino's generosity towards people she's fond of is completely unstoppable, and aina knows she should be of the first to know that.

"...can i?" yoshino inquires, and aina could feel the older turn, looking at her. "y'know, buy you a car?"

"you should," aina answers with a chuckle. "and a house on a beachfront should follow once we get married—"

aina promptly chokes on her ironic laugh, coughing awkwardly into her fist as yoshino just stays silent.

...

......

.........

aina clears her throat, and yoshino just _stares_.

"oh. alright then, kussun..."

aina sincerely thought the conversation was over, hence why she continued with her mission in the game, yet aina could still feel yoshino's eyes on her.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"why are you staring?"

  
  
  


yoshino shrugs after a while with an audible huff, finally turning back to the game. "ah, i just felt like you've changed somehow?"

"that's a constant... you've told me how that is before," aina turns her head to look at yoshino, who seems to be deep in thought with her eyebrows furrowed. "something's always gotta change."

"right," yoshino purses her lips before turning to look at aina. "but something big is up, i think."

yoshino sets her controller to her side and leans, palms flat on the sofa, taking aina aback as yoshino closes into her face.

it couldn't be any more _dangerous,_ right...

"have you fallen in love recently?"

……............?

"go take a bath," aina deadpans to yoshino's face, turning away right after to look at the game as her heart strains against her ribs.

"oh noooo," yoshino chuckles, nudging aina's shoulder. "i'm right!?"

"why are you so enthusiastic?" aina grumbles, glancing at yoshino. "ughhh..."

"well, i wanna know who it is," yoshino backs to her side of the sofa with a smile. "might be too intrusive, but i wanna."

"i'm not telling you."

sounds of the game fills the room as aina plays, noting that yoshino wasn't moving at all.

"well, it was worth a shot." yoshino says finally, as aina could feel the shrug with it. "i opened up to you about my own personal matters, though..."

aina turns her head, glancing at yoshino as they absentmindedly played the game. "i haven't been through enough to share anything, though."

"bringing that up makes me a little more curious..."

aina bites her lip, hoping that yoshino doesn't actually notice her feelings. "trust me, nan-chan – if you find it out, we'd both end up with broken hearts."

"alright," yoshino says as she shakes her head. "i don't believe that, but i won't pry for now."

"thanks."

aina couldn't explain what she felt in that moment – why was she slightly lamenting yoshino's submission?

"i'll just shower now, i guess." yoshino mumbles, toeing for her slippers. "i'll turn off the playstation later."

aina makes a noise of acknowledgement, yawning a little. "i'll take a shower next…"

yoshino finally stands whilst stretching her body, inevitably catching aina's attention as the dim light of the television shines on yoshino's arms, giving her a different glow.

yoshino's jaw is _so sharp—_

"no one could ever break your heart," yoshino says sternly as she glances down to aina. "they _can't_."

taken aback and stunted, aina's mouth stays agape as yoshino makes her way past her.

beats later, aina whips her head to follow yoshino's back with an incredulous look. "was that a threat?!"

yoshino promptly stops at the door of her bedroom, turning her head to shrug directly at aina. "...possibly?"

"right, some _sukeban_ member you are." aina could only feign a laugh as she parses the ridiculousness of the moment. " _break a leg_ breaking their leg."

"...what?"

"ask mimo-chan man, it's a theatre phrase."

"ok _, alright_." yoshino walks towards the bathroom again, but aina hears her chuckle in the distance.

_OK わかった 。_

"it wasn't even too funny..." aina smiles to herself, looking down at the dualshock in her hands. "yet you always remember, nan-chan..."

aina has the control here, doesn't she?

with a roll of the joystick, aina's character twirls.

🎼

"you're really not gonna dry your hair for the nth time..."

"what was that?" aina scowls at the loud hair dryer, making yoshino smile at aina's reflection on her dresser mirror. "you're the weirdo who makes me eat breakfast before bathing."

"not drying your hair before sleep is much weirder!" yoshino reasons as she turns the hair dryer off and sets it on her table.

"it dries itself and it saves energy," aina reaches out to yoshino, tugging her office chair closer. "c'mon now."

yoshino only hums with acknowledgement, still brushing her hair tidy as she stood to close the lights.

peering at yoshino's dresser table, aina flips her body to the side as her curiosity knocks around about the contents as the older approached the light switch.

"do you even have time to apply your 20 different face creams?"

"sometimes," yoshino shrugs, hand hovering the light switch. " _that_ is why i do makeup too heavy sometimes..."

"want me to apply some for you?" aina props her body up from the bed, smile wide and inviting.

(an apparent attempt to gaze upon yoshino's face more, yes that was.)

_click_ , and the lights are off.

"no no, i'd even dry your hair if i wasn't so sleepy..." yoshino drawls in a yawn as she waddles forth and lifts the covers, slipping into the bed flat on her back. "but you should do that yourself tonight."

"mmhm," aina hums, leaning her chin on yoshino's shoulder. "no."

"alright," yoshino yawns over, closing her eyes. "you're willing to get that headache?"

"and you listen to wink's _boys don't cry_ in the shower," aina says, deadpan as she pokes yoshino's side. yoshino exhales in exasperation, making aina chuckle.

"we both listen to them, though." yoshino smiles, tilting her head a little to look at aina. "indulging in wink's music is therapeutic for everyone."

aina realizes that yoshino hasn't shrugged her wet head soaking the pillow off yet as her tongue absentmindedly runs along her own lips.

biting her own lips in, aina's reminded of a tune she's always liked.

"d-do you know their version of especially for you?" aina stutters as she slings her hand across yoshino's stomach, wondering if yoshino's taking note.

" _you were always here at my side_ ," yoshino sings as she creates eye contact to aina, who grins in response. 

" _giving me a kindness of a smile_ ," aina sings back, sighing as yoshino's eyelids slowly sink. "such a great song... "

yoshino keeps humming the rest of the song, and it seems to just reverb deep into aina's being.

"you're falling asleep," aina whispers, glancing at yoshino's lips. "you were just yawning..."

_so, thank you. i won’t forget it._

"but i wanna sing it with you," yoshino chuckles then yawns, eyelids closing. " _constantly, always, my friend..._ "

aina's heart seems to have sunk to the bottommost pits of her stomach as it sets in, yet again.

yoshino's eyes open slightly at the prolonged silence, making aina peer into her sight. "should we just save the singing for tomorrow, kussun?" 

aina nods, but moves her arm over yoshino's hips. closing her eyes again, yoshino continues to hum the song and mumble the lyrics she recalls, garnering aina's soft murmurs, singing along to the melody.

"y'know, your stutter is cute..." yoshino's foot nudges into aina's. "still a bit odd since you're a voice actress, but cute."

aina couldn't help but grin, kicking yoshino's foot as the heat spreads to the tips of her ears. "didn't you _just_ say we'll sleep?"

yoshino laughs, and aina could still see the outline of her grin with the faint light from the windows.

it's either aina's heart is learning to contain itself, or that she's bargained with life now–

_that’s why i'd like to treasure this moment_

_here and now for what it is_

_here, for your heart,_

_especially for you_

–as her heartbeat thrums, but does not burst anymore.

"alright, let's sleep."

🎶

_oh_ , aina mouths in realization as she gazes at yoshino's sleeping form for the nth time that night. _oh god._

her heart's getting used to yoshino's presence whirring inside of it, like those old disc walkmans thrumming in your hand.

yoshino's presence in her chest is so strong that it's scary, and now aina wants _out_ in fear of an explosion.

yoshino suddenly smiles, deep in sleep yet still so angelic.

 _oh no_ , is it too late for aina to remove the disc? eject, eject, _eject—_

⏏️

aina finally reaches out to her phone, squinting at her screen, only to find out that it's past 1am.

glancing up to yoshino again, aina sighs as she unlocks her phone; checking twitter might be a bad idea, but maybe it'll help with the lack of drowsiness.

⏩

things aina has done in the past hour:

1) opened twitter to clean her notifications and check her timeline;

2) replied to her messages on LINE, including one which came from her mother inquiring if the place she was sleeping at is yoshino's home again;

3) looked into dating website, only to scoff and cringe through the selection of people available for dating;

4) found chinese blogs with fan content for her that couldn't be translated to japanese and;

5) glared at yoshino every time the other flipped and kicked about in her sleep, taking her away from the content she was trying to read.

all in all, aina could say she's slowly losing her mind as she yawns with no sleepiness at all.

aina frowns, not understanding what the living hell half the machine translations mean on the fan stories she was trying to read – oh yes, of _them._

...but do people actually know them enough to claim that it _is_ them? jolkusu seems like it confuses itself with nozoeli and so much of the pretense they've gone through, trying to be something they're not…

yoshino turns her body around and kicks a leg forward, hooking onto aina's ankle by accident, eliciting a yelp from her.

aina frowns as yoshino's scrunched up nose gets into view, suddenly pondering on why she hasn't delved into the fan content about them written in their own language...

...aina couldn't be scared of it, right?

with a grumble, aina drops her phone on the bed and closes her eyes with a conviction to rest her mind away from such ideas.

⏸️

apparently, their fans fantasize about these… odd, graphic and depraved scenarios.

glancing at yoshino grasping her left hand tightly whilst deep into her slumber, aina couldn't really blame them, although she resents them somewhat for envisioning it in sometimes too-crude ways.

closing her browser after closing all her tabs, aina yawns as she thinks of yoshino falling in deep, deep love for her like in the stories—

oh aina wishes, too.

aina places her phone on the night stand and scoots closer to yoshino, hand slinging over the older's shoulders.

well, people can have deep and heartfelt relationships without romantic feelings, so aina hopes their fans will understand when the day comes and they don't...

of course, yoshino snuggles closer into her arms, cheek rubbing on aina's clavicle.

the day is starting now, the light of the sun peeking through the curtain blooms on yoshino's hair.

aina's eyes wells up at the sight of the golden glow, holding yoshino tighter as she succumbs to sleep.

maybe one aina kusuda _is_ in love with one yoshino nanjo, and maybe she doesn't want to be— 

maybe she wants things to stay the same.

feeling her senses flutter away, aina thinks _: at this point, something has to change..._

_and yet…_

  
  


**amor vincit omnia, et nos cedamus amori.**


	2. and, et, &...

**_campanie et cosmos_ **

**_et_ **

**[ & ]**

there is a very vivid memory for the both of yoshino and aina which should've been telling of how special their feelings are for one another – an odd, mundane moment that only the two of them hold close to their hearts. 

it was a wednesday in june and μ's were in the animedia studio for a photoshoot interview slated to be released for august; you'd think all of them would be used to this by now having been in lovelive for five years at that point, yet aina still shrunk back behind everyone as they talked about the group.

the one who coaxed aina out to the front was, as usual, the ever-sensitive yoshino with an open hand out to her.

yoshino led her to the front of the line, mouthing the words _'you should be here'_ with a gentle smile.

it was one of _those_ times again for aina, and yet that day touched both of their hearts; it was particularly the moments after the group of nine were split up and the interviewer motioned the third years group consisting of aina, sora and yoshino to sit at one of the faux leather studio couches.

as they made their way there, sora outpaced the both of them to one of the two single-seater chairs, making both groan and settle for the longer couch as courtesy to the interviewer.

"slowpokes!"

"long-legged!"

yoshino laughs just a moment longer than the two as she hangs her head back on the sofa; ah, does this job make her feel so much younger than she is.

with the light atmosphere from the three leaving a good impression on the interviewer, she laughs along as she takes her seat languidly, looking to and fro at the group with fascination.

"did we do anything wrong, principal?" yoshino chuckles, which brings the interviewer a laugh.

"not much – topic today's more on your inter-group relationships," the interview states with a smile, placing her notes on the small table in front of them. "i'd like to know the overall… dynamic you guys have."

"that's something else for a change," sora murmurs, lifting a hand to her chin in thought.

aina visibly looks surprised, obviously edged as she instinctively scoots closer to yoshino.

"um, not about the characters..." yoshino shows hesitance, smile wry towards aina and then the interviewer. "well, you'd probably have to trim around our words after."

the interviewer nods. "we'll keep it modest, of course."

"then i'd say it's a camaraderie," sora nods back with firmness, leaning her palms above her knees. "and it's a relief for me to have a seniority within this group, since we could always rely on nanjo-san."

"yet kussun and sora do a very well of a job every single time we team up," yoshino shakes her head, smiling over to sora. "i rely on both of them very well too, especially whilst recording scenes together."

the interviewer then takes a moment and writes the outlines of the dialogue swiftly, only briefly pausing to glance at aina.

"oh kusuda-san, how about you?"

aina finally stops darting her eyes around the room nervously in silence, expression becoming akin to that of a deer in the headlights.

yoshino feels prompted somehow to close the physical gap between her and aina, scooting to deliver a comforting nudge to the younger.

"well, i see them more as rivals, i g-guess?" aina blurts, pained expression painting her face whilst looking at yoshino's cheek.

aina is in a bit of distress, clammy hands uncomfortable with the faux leather under her palms – she just can't get used to this much attention and talking yet…

"yeah – quite hostile," yoshino says with a chuckle, suddenly turning to meet aina's gaze. "but honestly, sora and kussun here challenge me to be better."

sora breaks into a grin, straightening her posture. "yeah! kussun has really outdone herself a lot especially recently, so i'm kind of conscious – what if she can get my jobs?!"

yoshino places her hand just over aina's as everyone but her shares a laugh, causing aina to turn her hand over and present her palm to yoshino.

yoshino grasps aina's hand firmly, taking a deep inhale. "they've outdone themselves – especially kussun, being a newbie."

the scribbles of pen to paper resurface as the interviewer starts to add to her notes again, yet all aina can hear was yoshino's calm breath.

sora pokes aina's shoulder, making aina turn back and see sora flashing her a thumbs up – that of which aina responds to with a quaint smile.

yoshino can feel aina's open hand grasp hers back, making her smile as aina audibly inhales deeply.

“love live was my debut work, so in the beginning there was a lot i had to figure out,” aina starts, eyes cast on their clasped hands, then up to yoshino’s face. “nan-chan really helped me out on everything.”

yoshino shows her surprise as her posture stiffened, turning her head to aina. "surely not everything–"

"i overcame my cold hands because of you!" aina says, finally breaking into a smile. "you taught me to rub my hands together and channel my emotions by getting my adrenaline up – really helped me out."

“eh, to such an extent?” yoshino can only laugh wryly, a little flustered. "emitsun helped too, didn't she?"

“yes,” aina laughs, slapping yoshino's shoulder playfully, “but you did the troubleshooting for me – that’s just more or less how much reliant I have been on you.”

sora snorts as the two leaned into one another, yet aina barely feels it the moment she rests her head on yoshino's shoulder, only to see yoshino's ears turn red to her sight.

"these two, giving nozomi and eli a run for their money," sora sneers as she leans back on her chair, making everyone laugh.

"hey, you're invaluable to me too!" aina says through her giggles, pointing straight at sora. "sora-chan motivates me a lot to exert more energy into my voice acting, alright?!"

the interviewer hides her laugh behind a hand, pen pointed at the next question as the three continued to laugh together.

yoshino notably takes a deeper breath, enjoying the ease of this particular interview as her hand still clasped onto aina's grows warmer.

"alright, but do you three have any wishes for one another?"

"oh, i have one straight away!" sora says, head tilting as she looked forth to aina. "i wish kussun to be blessed with the confidence that she needs."

"ah, thanks sora-chan..." aina grins to sora, who only shrugs with a gentle tilt of her head.

"ah, not fair – now i'd have to think." yoshino murmurs, making sora sputter a laugh. "i honestly wish them luck on their individual endeavours, most of all really."

"that's fair," the interviewer says, jotting down their words.

"i guess i'd wish good health upon nanjo-san," sora nods shortly after, which makes aina let out a noise of approval and a thumbs up again.

yoshino only rolls her eyes, which makes the interviewer laugh once more.

aina only starts once the interviewer stopped writing.

"right, as for myself…"

yoshino hums in response, with a glance of interest.

"i want sora-chan to be able to finish her dream projects with them exceeding her expectations," aina turns to sora with a thoughtful pout.

sora gasps with her hand to her chest, expression turning soft.

with a bright, heartfelt grin, aina lifts her head from yoshino's shoulder, pulling their joined hands onto her lap.

"and of course, i want nanjo-senpai to find what's missing in her life," aina says bluntly, which pulls yoshino's attention to her.

"eh–"

"nanjo-san already has you," sora cuts too fast whilst laughing, causing the interviewer to bury her face into her hands to laugh.

caught between the laughter, aina and yoshino simply stare at one another inquisitively, only to exchange nods and laugh along.

"yeah – i needed her all this time," yoshino says as she laughs, earning her a slap to the shoulder from aina.

"you can rely on me, just like how i rely so much on you," aina says with the most determined expression yoshino's ever seen.

yoshino only nods in response, unable to resist the blaze hinted within aina's eyes.

whilst aina would remember it as a day wherein she's finally let herself express her gratitude towards a person with growing importance in her life, yoshino remembers it as a moment of reckoning; for what could have been but another intimate moment between them for onlookers, it was then that yoshino first saw sparks of the passionate, fiery aina she'll come to know.

that day, yoshino decides that she'll always support aina, to the best she can.

aina's smiled so brightly, so warmly, and yoshino only wishes the best for her.

_ah, aina's like the sun._

**_fac, ut ardeat cor meum._**


	3. visum — campanie

**_campanie et cosmos_ **

**_visum –_ ** **_campanie_ **

_warm..._

warmth meets yoshino as her senses bloom back, slightly awake yet still drowsy as she yawns and pulls her legs up to torso.

there's a soft breeze on her face...

yoshino can still hear her ceiling fan whirring, yet this air is so comfortingly warm…

it's so calm, so gentle…

ah, maybe it's still fine to go back to sleep…

............  
  


**buzz**

**buzz**

**buzz**

grumbling as she hears her phone vibrating and playing a song on her bedside table, yoshino’s eyebrows furrow as she tries to move an arm to turn the alarm off.

 _tries,_ to no avail, as what pins down both of her wrists won’t budge off of her at all.

finally opening her eyes to a blur of moisture and general lack of focus, yoshino looks forth planning to pull away from the weight –

yoshino blinks to clearly see how aina’s holding yoshino's hand to her lips with both of her hands.

“huh…”

whilst not very different from what she woke up to yesterday, yoshino still takes a moment to fully absorb aina's presence there – whilst increasingly frequent in yoshino's house, aina still feels like a surreal occurence.

the chorus arrives, and the music soars:

_while frightened by change, i don't want to continue on here either_

_a tranquil awakening almost like any other day_

with gentle hands like aina's still holding hers captive, yoshino is left to think through how to get out of the position, even though she really wants to freeze time instead.

today, yoshino starts her day off slipping an arm out of the crook of aina’s neck and pulling her hand out of aina’s firm grasp, utterly terrified.

🙀

totally normal to be shaky whilst cooking eggs, oh that’s totally normal.

it's not like aina's ever been unremarkable – aina has always been everyone's favorite person, always striving to be better at anything presented to her, always sparkling, always helpful, always bubbly…

it's just that yoshino's not sure what's so special about today that suddenly, aina's unconscious tenderness is making her stomach turn.

yoshino jumps with a yelp as she hears the rice cooker switch pop, indicating that her rice is done cooking. due to her shock, her cats pool at her feet to bring her comfort.

maybe yoshino's just that used to domestic affection coming from only her cats… and it's not like yoshino can deny that aina's frequent visits are starting to make her want to ask aina to move in.

out of all the things, yoshino is freaking out over cohabitating with someone, _no way..._

“so thoughtful of you two,” yoshino sighs, grabbing a plate to place the eggs onto. “but i’m fine, it'll be fine…”

hopefully someday, yoshino will get used to someone else but her cats being there during her silent moments.

after sliding the eggs off the pan, yoshino stares at the two unmoving cats, letting out a soft laugh as they purr in response. chibi walks off as yoshino taps her foot a little, but mugi nuzzles into her ankle and stays.

chibi mewls in the distance, particularly sounding like it’s from the bedroom.

“yes, yes – nothing’s been _normal_ since she…”

yoshino shakes her head, unplugging the rice cooker and slumping as her eyelids meet her palms; she's talking to her cats like this again…

but what's yoshino supposed to do if _they're_ the ones talking communicating with her?

another loud mewl, and yoshino sighs; that cat's discomfort threshold's so low, she even tries to fight aina all the time...

“ah, alright chibi… i’ll wake her up, don't bite her.”

😓

_kinda cloudy today..._

"c'mon now, your alarm's been going off through the hour…" yoshino sighs as she ties up her curtains, glancing at aina rolling around sleepily on her bed.

“mmm, don’t wanna....”

_so_ _cute_.

“but the rice is getting cold,” yoshino laughs, eyes guiltily scanning down aina’s legs tangled in her blanket. “let’s eat – we have to be out real early.”

“ugh, yahhh… go eat first…..” aina slurs, burying her face into yoshino’s pillow as she kicks the blanket off her legs and off the bed.

yoshino could only laugh to herself and walk on over to aina, closing in to pick the blanket up, gingerly placing it next to aina.

looking curiously at the flecks of light brown on aina's hair, yoshino almost wants to plop over her body just to be irritating – a bad idea which gives her a new thought.

"you sure, kussun?" yoshino whispers airily into aina's ear, staving off a laugh.

yoshino continues to blow into aina's ear, puffing around the lobe and blowing off some of her hair.

finally, the clouds part and the warm sunlight shines into the room. yoshino smiles as she glances back to the windows, feeling the warmth spread around the room.

yoshino leans back into the bed and against aina's back, making aina let out a small grumble.

_ah, back to work._

yoshino continues to play with aina's hair, blowing puffs of air in odd intervals as she fails to stop herself from laughing under her breath.

aina grumbles even louder now as she swats yoshino away, only to squeeze yoshino's pillow close to her chest and face right after.

yoshino finally laughs loudly, unable to hold back her amusement; ah, aina's too precious, she almost wants to take a candid photo of her – but alas, yoshino knows aina too well and knows that she would delete the photos as soon as she finds them.

guess yoshino would just have to settle for a memory, as per usual...

yoshino squeezes and nudges aina hard on her bicep one last time, only to resign herself to take a sticky note from her night dresser for the younger due to lack of success on waking her up.

 _‘wash up first if you think it’s so weird, then.’_ yoshino writes on the hedgehog-shaped note with a colored pen, then scribbling a little face with a tongue poking out at the bottom to set her tone.

yoshino sticks it onto her tonberry lamp, moving it to face aina with a last lingering look at aina’s face – or technically, just a cheek of aina’s face peeking out of yoshino’s pillow that she’s still smothering herself with.

yoshino lets out a sudden loaded sigh as she stands up from the bed, laughing midway through as she emotionally preps herself to a breakfast alone.

walking away from aina, yoshino finally notices how chibi's been sitting on aina's bunny slippers at the other side of the bed all this time, making her shake her head as the cat only wags its tail at her.

"cat, please get off of the visitor's slippers."

the cat in question only lets out a lazy mewl, nuzzling its head into the fluffy fabric of the slippers. yoshino sneers, moving towards the back of the cat until it lifts its head, baring its teeth on one of the bunny ears.

said cat _gnaws_ and pulls on the fabric ear, making yoshino crouch fast in alarm to pry the cat off as she stands. frustrated at the lack of reaction, yoshino swings the cat around to make it release the slipper, which works well until the cat starts kicking and scratching the top of her left hand.

"ow!" yoshino exclaims as the cat leaps off of her grasp. "why do you dislike her so much? let me have this one!"

rubbing the stinging white marks over her left hand, yoshino is suddenly taken aback by her own admission... of something she's not quite sure of.

yoshino doesn't even know what she wants here.

chibi only growls, turning away and prancing off to the living room.

_this is stupid_ , yoshino grumbles to herself, walking out and closing the door a little. 

as yoshino notices how downtrodden her steps have become in response to coming back to her mundane common mornings, she immediately rolls her eyes; this rice-breakfast-before-work scene isn't even _too_ common for yoshino, since she most usually just gets bread at the bakery downstairs—

“–so why does this even matter to me now...?"

🌥️

well, the news about the economy and politics has been nothing but bleak recently, so maybe that's a sign that yoshino should care more about securing her future…

heaving a sigh as she presses her phone's power button, yoshino wishes there was at least anything to look forward to in growing old.

suddenly, yoshino thinks back to aina's jokes about buying a house in front of the beach – ah, that _does_ sound very refreshing, especially for yoshino, after having lived her life in the bustling city life in tokyo, after growing up nearer to the mountains in shizuoka...

aina might've been on to something, like how she usually is.

breathing in deeply, yoshino leans back into her chair to take a moment and close her eyes to envision herself on a quaint balcony by the shore, sitting on a woven rattan armchair with her hair flowing back from the salty breeze blowing past her.

the beach looks like a mix of one she's seen in guam and those resorts around izu-hantō, yet when yoshino turns to look to her side...

 _'nan-chan, are you happy?'_ aina speaks softly as she sits with her legs crossed on the other similar chair, leaning towards yoshino's view with a smile.

the soft sounds of the tides meeting the shore take over yoshino's mind, flooding her ears.

aina just grins at yoshino lovingly as the waves grow louder.

with a sharp gasp as her chest tightens, yoshino opens her eyes.

aina's alarm goes off again.

looking at nothing in particular but an empty chair in front of her, yoshino's eyes water.

 _ah_ , yoshino shudders as she uses her wrists to dry her welling eyes, _these thoughts just can't be helped_ – yoshino's getting tired of spending her life on work, of course.

yoshino hears aina wake up with a loud yawn and turn off her loud standard alarm and laughs pitifully at herself, instinctively placing her phone down on the table as courtesy for aina: why's she feeling bad when aina's just there?

yoshino stares at the bedroom door for a moment, feeling the need to not seem too eager about aina’s awakening; she's not _that_ weird... or at least, that's what yoshino wants to let on.

a telling, aching creak from the bed comes and breaks the silence.

yoshino finally hears aina walking around the other room with soft pit-pats of her feet, prompting her to go back and open her phone to continue reading on that article about asset management in a time of economic precariousness.

yawning not even past two paragraphs, yoshino ruffles her own hair: if she only knew of her future, she really would've taken a business minor...

well, guess you can buy knowledge and expertise when you're above middle class anyway, so the only real answer is to keep working.

ah, keep working... job stability in her field is increasingly impossible, so it's truly just a never-ending battle, huh...

the words on the screen blur as yoshino just stops paying attention to what she was reading.

keep working.

keep making money.

keep working.

keep–

but what's yoshino even working for anymore? she's getting older...

_'nan-chan, are you happy?'_

_a comfortable life, with **belongings** , with my **pets** , with my **friends** , with my **family** , with **someone** , with ****..._

yoshino should be happy now, and yet...

the sound of light, squeaky footsteps draw close, bringing yoshino out of her worries, making her smile.

“hey...” aina chimes in almost rudely, peeking from the side of the door frame with a messy head of hair. “you didn’t wake me up _enough._ ”

almost naturally, yoshino turns off her phone’s screen with a chuckle. “you're fine – i would’ve gone ahead and left if you slept in longer, since you didn’t wake up after ten minutes of shaking.”

“but now it’s too late to take a shower…” aina grumbles, shuffling out towards the dining table.

"thanks for the meal," yoshino says in tradition, clasping her hands.

aina pouts over yoshino wordlessly, pulling a chair for herself.

yoshino finally picks up her chopsticks, suddenly aware of how long she's made her food wait. "you're fine, you can brush your teeth while i’m in the shower.”

“huh… ‘s alright?” aina slurs, looking down at the food as she stood there. “should’ve just woken me up an extra minute, though…”

yoshino only hums in acknowledgement, motioning her chopsticks to the bowl of rice meant for aina. “i had to feed chibi and mugi then tidy up the kitchen too, alright?”

yawning as she slumps onto the chair, aina uses her knuckles to smudge the sleep off her eyes. yoshino just glances at her, amused at how aina could still come off as endearing and adorable even as she lazily just tosses her body around when she's sleepy.

aina's simple, candid cute character is what makes her a bit of an acquired taste, but she's irresistible once someone's accustomed to her, yoshino presumes.

"thanks for the food," aina finally murmurs, stretching out her back finally to pick her posture up.

“hey, your soup is cold, c’mon.” yoshino murmurs, taking a bit of natto to her own bowl of rice with a notable, sticky stretch.

“you got miso soup and the natto isn’t cold today?” aina notes, perking up and picking up her chopsticks. "that's nice."

“just left the natto out yesterday,” yoshino says wryly. “do you like it colder?”

“not important,” aina smiles, scooping up her own share of natto. “i like it the way it is.”

oh god, yoshino's kinda right about aina being irresistible alright; aina keeps making different, distinct expressions showcasing her delight as they continue eating, and it feels like touching livewire but also like yoshino's insides are being tickled.

aina would be weird to some people, but yoshino loves every single odd face aina pulled to show her enjoyment of the food.

it's just eggs over rice with some natto, yet yoshino suddenly wants to take a cooking class for her.

_damn._

"t-the eggs are actually fresh!" yoshino states with enthusiasm, albeit growing flustered about her little stutter. "i got them from a neighbor last night, she just came from her farm."

"huh?" aina looks down at the bowl, eyeing the egg. "but you fried them?"

"i forgot that they were fresh," yoshino slumps, chuckling wryly as she takes a mouthful of her rice. "never got used to fresh eggs – evidence two."

yoshino ends up fixating on the curve of aina’s lips as she giggles at yoshino's stupidity, only to be snapped out of it when aina jolts her legs up off the floor.

yoshino hisses, stomping lightly as she exclaims. “oi, chibi you’re bothering kussun!”

“don’t scold her now nan-chan – do it later when we get home!”

confused, yoshino’s attention shifts from the startled running cat to aina, only to catch her turning her gaze away.

“uh,” aina says, coughing a little as she holds her rice bowl up, “ _you_ get home. i mean, we barely have time to freshen up after eating…”

oh right – aina's supposed to go back home to chiba tonight...

this shouldn't make yoshino feel as terrible as it does, but yoshino suddenly feels herself grow colder.

things are going to return to the same old normal, which only makes yoshino more sick of the things she's gotten used to; the sofa's going to feel empty without another weight indenting the cushions, as well as the games that feel better when played with someone else.

yoshino's never dreaded solitude as much as she does now.

"should i go barefaced today?" aina suddenly asks before taking a small mouthful of food in. 

"huh? um..." yoshino answers blankly, breaking out of her thoughts to scan over aina's face.

god, aina's gorgeous: how could someone look so sharp and soft at the same time? so unique, so detailed – she's got all the advantages right out the gate, it should be easily said she's got nothing to worry about.

though, yoshino couldn’t help but be irked by how messy aina’s bedhead was – god, yoshino wants to run her fingers through her hair to _fix it–_

"nan-chan?"

"if you want, you definitely can," yoshino says with all honesty, swallowing all the unnecessary words rattling in her thoughts like _you're perfect_ , among other things.

"thanks," aina says with a small, wry smile. "i'd just have to be in the office and then rehearse some dances anyway, y'know..."

"i'll get my makeup done before the live," yoshino shrugs, going back to take a mouthful of food again. "wanna put some on, though."

aina giggles, rolling her eyes as she puts her chopsticks down. "it's not like you've got anything to conceal, c'mon..."

"you say that as if i'm as attractive as you are," yoshino says impulsively, which only makes aina scoff. "i'm plain, seriously now!"

"you look fine," aina argues with a click of her tongue, motioning her hand towards yoshino's face. "you've got a nice face."

"don't gas me up—"

"don't doubt me!" aina cuts through yoshino, exaggerating a sigh. "save your time – your nose, eyes, lips, ears, cheeks and jawline are really pretty, so don't be humble for once."

yoshino doesn't know what aina's accomplishing with this conversation, so she only stares at aina with a dull expression.

aina proceeds to eat again, making yoshino look down onto her cold, barely-touched bowl.

didn't aina just practically mention her whole head?

is aina seriously just complimenting her?

well, whether or not those compliments were heartfelt and truthful, yoshino's really not sure what to take from them.

suddenly, yoshino's ears feel too hot.

"whatever – i'm still gonna wear makeup." yoshino says, finally lifting her head to look at aina.

"doesn't matter if you don't or if you do," aina huffs, leaning forth on her elbows to draw closer to yoshino. "i still see you the same."

yoshino's getting scared that aina can understand what yoshino couldn't within herself, but maybe that's why they work so well together.

"really now?"

"why of course," aina says with an air of confidence. "you're a _nerd,_ and you're still young."

yoshino can't help but laugh her nerves down, still wondering if aina could peer into her thoughts.

aina leans back and stares yoshino down with a smirk, crossing her arms.

yoshino rolls her eyes. "alright, but i'm old–"

"–young."

"now you're just playing with me – alright, do you need anything?"

"ah – no, i'm serious?! god, let's just go back to eating!"

yoshino grins, gazing softly at aina picking up her chopsticks with a huff; what an honest girl...

"i'll think about it."

aina's smile picks up, and that sight alone may just change anyone's mind about anything.

yoshino's not weak-willed; aina's simply too powerful of a force to fight off.

"fine."

"nice!"

😄

looking down at yoshino's mess of a closet, aina laughs heartily.

with only her longer articles of clothing like winter coats and flannel coats hung on the hangers, yoshino's left the clothes she actually wears on the daily at the floor of the cabinet to total disarray, with her excuse being her busy schedule leaving her with little to no time to rest and organize her belongings at all.

truly, yoshino's a full-fledged adult to live like this.

guess at least aina hasn't seen her deranged person's chaotic underwear and sock drawer yet...

grumbling in response to aina's continued giggling, yoshino stomps her foot as she can’t talk whilst brushing her teeth.

“yes boss, i’m gonna pick clothes!” aina says through her giggles. “i just don’t know where your pants end and your shirts begin… at least your shoe closet isn't this bad.”

yoshino rolls her eyes, walking back to her bathroom sink to gargle and spit. upon gazing at her rumpled reflection in the mirror though, yoshino smiles. 

hearing aina hum a chipper tune as she rummages through her clothes, yoshino feels as though this has been the most content she has been in so long, just basing off of how she has barely stopped smiling ever since aina woke up.

yoshino guesses one really can't measure their own loneliness until they're not alone anymore, but hearing such a light voice around her whilst she's doing the most trivial things makes yoshino feel… complete, somehow.

“hey, you have Y3 in here?” aina cackles, still fussing around with the cabinet. "haven't seen the rest of your nakamura-san collection yet…"

"we bought the first red one together, so i guess that's the only one you've actually seen..." yoshino ponders off, washing off her toothbrush. "i bought the olive green with shikaco, by the way."

"huh, that shika-chan," aina's tone suddenly changes. "haven't seen her in a while, what's she been up to?"

"dunno, i think she was gonna ask a girl out for once the last time i heard from her," yoshino shrugs off, wiping her hands on her bath towel hung on the rack. "heard about it from _my_ mom, apparently shikaco went to a damn _mixer_..."

yoshino walks out of the bathroom, only to be spooked as aina stares up at her with her brows furrowed, stone-serious while in a squat position.

"what?" yoshino inquires, smiling with uncertainty. "yeah, she went to a _mixer_ of all things..."

yoshino just found something amiss with the way aina looks at her at that moment, but it can also just be of her own delusion.

aina pouts, wrenching her face just enough for that classic puppy dog look she always does. "not that – i wanna be close to your mom."

yoshino sputters a laugh, her smile spreading across her cheeks further. "god, that's sudden! i mean you've met her many..."

aina frowns deeper with her puppy-dog look, trailing yoshino off. _unfair tactics, really._

"uh, well, she's heard very nice things about you i guess," yoshino chuckles, leaning on the door frame of her bathroom. "my grandpa has taken a liking to you, too."

"grandpa?!" aina suddenly perks, leaning up to yoshino's space. "what did you tell him, though?"

yoshino purses her lips, looking down to count on her fingers. "well he watched our 5th live with my mom, told her my partner was _'the cutest thing ever'_ , mom called me that night to laugh at me because of it, then he called me up to ask me if we're good friends."

"yeah, and?" aina turns her head to show yoshino her ear. "and?"

"he mostly made fun of me – so why don't you hear it from him later tonight?" yoshino sighs in amusement, rolling her eyes. "he's gonna watch the live alone so i sat him next to you."

"really?" aina says with apparent eagerness. "i'll meet him?"

"yeah, but he goes home right after," yoshino shrugs. "he doesn't wanna drink tonight."

"great, but what did he say _specifically_ about me?!" aina perks, raising her eyebrows. "i want conversation starters!"

yoshino can't help but stop a laugh rising up her throat, knowing her grandfather well. "he'll start the conversation – trust me."

"aw, but i wanted to hear about how cute i am though," aina bemoans as she rocks back to sit on the floor.

yoshino almost felt like aina was _testing_ her to say so, being that cute.

"just ask him later," yoshino huffs, squatting down to peer into the closet. "right now, you should really decide on your clothes already."

a comfortable silence fills the moment, the only noises being aina's light sighs and hums. looking at the small pile aina has separated from the mess of clothes, yoshino discerns aina's expensive taste quickly and chuckles.

"hm?" aina reacts, suddenly with a hand gripping onto yoshino's shoulder. "don't tell me you think i have bad choices – these are your clothes."

"no, not at all," yoshino turns to aina, only to find her on her knees and with another exaggerated pout. "you just picked most of the more expensive clothes i own – how sophisticated."

"hell yeah," aina grins, nudging the red jacket they bought together. "leaning towards this one a lot."

"you picked it for me," yoshino raises her eyebrows, utterly amused. "wouldn't have bought it if you didn't like it so much, so it's just fitting."

"and you're also gonna wear that other red jacket," aina notes, pointing her thumb back to the mentioned article laid on the bed. "it's a match!"

"that too," yoshino nods, kinda thrilled by the thought. "but i'm gonna wear those jeans you picked for me in kamakura instead."

"huh, you truly buy everything i tell you to buy," aina giggles, holding up the red jacket from the pile. "oh wait, where's the matching pants for this one?"

"dunno," yoshino laughs, leaning into the closet to shuffle around the clothes. "i wore that about three weeks ago… must be in here…"

after wading through a majority of the floorspace of the closet, yoshino heaves a sigh, obviously irritated.

"...you misplaced it?" aina asks, following suit to look at each strewn-about article of clothing in the closet. "oh god, you _did…_ "

"i mean, you can use another pair in there i guess?" yoshino says as she keels back then hangs her head down in embarrassment. "ah, i dunno – might still be in my laundry basket…"

"nan-chan, holy shit?" aina laughs, pushing playfully at yoshino's arm.

"when we find it then it's yours too, alright?!" yoshino chuckles, sighing in her humiliation as she turns to aina. "i actually really don't recall where it is…"

"that's fine, don't worry, i'll just grab black pants," aina waves off, only to pause for a second with an amused smile. "oh wait, with that _'everything that's yours is mine'_ logic _,_ do i also get to borrow your switch?"

"sure?" yoshino bites her own lip, suddenly realizing that she's been looking down at aina's lips. "uh, you can own everything i own up until you get married."

"huh..." aina murmurs, clearly in thought as she lies on the floor. "that's a 3-month old switch in good condition."

yoshino looks down into aina's eyes in alarm. "hey, don't just sell it!"

aina laughs under her breath, patting yoshino's cheek. "no worries – it's just in case my switch gets broken, dogs and all…"

yoshino shrugs, looking away to hide her flustered face. "i'd rather just buy you a new one than lose all my progress in zelda, y'know."

"hey, do you even plan on getting married at all?" aina clicks her tongue with a playful grimace, sitting up with the jacket in her hand. "save that money for a house!"

aina stands up and yoshino's attention follows her, watching as aina places her jacket on the edge of the bed, draping down and stretching the article.

yoshino can only wonder about the statement and if aina's either planning herself for marriage or, is simply, genuinely wondering if yoshino herself wasn't thinking about getting married at all–

"hey, for the record..." aina suddenly says, back turned to yoshino as she flattens out the creases on the jacket. "i don't want to get married so soon."

–well, there's yoshino's answer.

"let's just stay alone forever," yoshino impulsively answers, heart suddenly hammering against her chest. "or at least, until you find that someone."

"doubt it," aina chuckles, turning to face yoshino.

ah, but aina looks almost ethereal with the glow of the light from outside around her...

" _you_ doubt you'd find someone, really?"

"nah," aina says as her genuine, trademark grin blooms through. "i doubt the implication that i'd find someone before you do."

flabbergasted, yoshino could only bury her head into her palms and laugh heartily, standing up to lean back on her cabinet wall for support. "ah no way – i'm not even looking, that's stupid!"

"sometimes love finds you instead – don't you read manga?!" aina points out, marching forth to jab and jab playfully at yoshino's stomach. "it's not funny you _dick_ , you feel those stupid butterflies, all that!"

"i know, stop! it's super unpredictable," yoshino squeezes into the corner of the wall, fighting off aina's jabs while still laughing. "but i'm just saying!"

"yeah?" aina keeps on jabbing whist she pouts, grumbling over yoshino's laughter. "explain your nonsense claims!"

yoshino takes a hold of aina's wrists, holding them together with a pull towards yoshino's chest, eliciting a gasp from aina.

"but you might be underestimating how easy it would be to love you," yoshino says sternly, panting to an alarmed aina's face.

suddenly feeling her heart jump to her throat as aina's eyes widen, yoshino suddenly goes into a panic, swallowing down and then loosening her grip.

"you'd never know if someone just falls for you... tomorrow… and then you fall for them in an instant, uh…"

as yoshino feels her cheeks get warmer, she releases her grasp on aina's wrists, pushing her body off the wall.

"you're right," aina says, sheepishly stepping back. "guess we'll just have to see?"

"got any bets?" yoshino laughs off nervously, clearing her throat afterwards. "i'm still guessing someone's gonna fall for you first, and i'm completely confident with that."

"oh, i'm safe with my bet," aina cackles, moving back to attending to her clothes. "go take a shower already – i won this one!"

"what?" yoshino laughs in amusement, walking into the bathroom albeit confused. "i'm going into the shower, but do clarify!"

"pretty sure i know someone who's completely taken by you," aina says with a little snap. "so i hope you can bet chibi-chan away!"

"hey!" yoshino peeks from inside the bathroom, pointing at aina. "i'm not betting my cat!"

aina turns, swatting her hands to ward away yoshino. "go take a shower loser, i still have to look for pants now!"

"fine," yoshino grumbles, only to chuckle as she moves to close the door. "but don't think you're completely right – your assumptions are premature!"

"nah, i'm right!"

as yoshino clicks the door shut and holds the hem of her shirt, she pauses to turn at the mirror and look at herself…

well, she's not ugly at all, but yoshino feels as though aina is completely exaggerating her claims… yoshino's not exactly _the_ _fire of your loins_ or further material as far as she herself can judge, so she doubts someone's out there ready to risk it all for her.

yoshino would still put makeup on if aina didn't intervene, honestly.

yoshino shakes her head with sigh and proceeds to take her clothes off, walking towards the shower – ah, that's not the oddity here at all: 

the fact that _aina kusuda_ thinks she's less likely to have someone begging to marry her, frankly, is just ridiculous.

yes, yoshino's not concerned about who it was that apparently admired her, yet she's completely fixated on aina's side of the story – how typical.

but with her eyes that twinkle like the constellations from the darkness of the mountains, toothy smile that can lift any sadness away, hands as soft as feathers, lithe and graceful body that flows like silk, a voice so uplifting and a smell so distinct and wondrous like a field of flowers… who could honestly not fall for aina?

yoshino yelps when the water hits her skin – she doesn't really know whether the water is just freezing cold, or if she was just that warm.

🤒

"god, you have such a cute ass."

yoshino jolts, snapping out of her thoughts as she squats down in the shower stall in embarrassment. "kussun!"

"hey, just sayin'..." aina laughs wryly, continuing whatever it was she was doing. "sorry, just getting my toothbrush, go on with your life…"

"right," yoshino says, mortified as she stands up again, putting her hands on her scalp to continue on washing the conditioner off of her hair. "will do…"

yoshino probably should be concerned that she's not too bothered by aina complimenting her ass, but rather about how awkward it is that aina caught her whilst deep in thought about how _nice_ aina looks in many different, ~~naughty~~ _adventurous_ outfits, and how stupid it would be if someone was not head over heels for her.

but god forbid yoshino keep fawning over her friends – she herself knows this kind of thought process lead to two of her most disastrous relationships wherein she's all to blame.

yoshino doesn't _want_ aina, and that's supposed to be a final decision.

"gonna brush my teeth in the kitchen now…"

after an agonizingly long time, the bathroom door clicks to indicate its closure, then yoshino ultimately concludes that she is heavily _concerned_ ;

can lust play any role in a healthy relationship with anyone? _this is too embarrassingly depraved._

😳

“geez, i have enough time to drive you there!” aina insists, slinging on yoshino’s red track jacket over a plain tanktop as she walks out the door. “it’s barely 7am – calm down.”

“i took the taxi yesterday,” yoshino grumbles as she pats her keychain to make sure she didn’t forget her keys. “don’t worry about it kussun, you have your album to finish so go on ahead.”

“i will be taking as much time i could spend with you as possible,” aina puts bluntly, walking forth to press the elevator button early. “i don't know if i can see you for your birthday, after all.”

“that’s not even a big deal,” yoshino scoffs as she locks her door. “kussun, i’ve known you for so long and this has been the first—”

“—second."

yoshino turns to aina, rolling her eyes before trying to turning her doorknob to check if she's locked her door properly. “alright, _second_ time you’ve cared about how i spend it.”

“oh give me a break,” aina laughs, beckoning yoshino with an arm eagerly. “i just didn’t know you came up with the whole elaborate birthday surprise for me!”

“wha–” yoshino marches towards aina with knitted eyebrows and a stern look. “who told you that?!”

the elevator dings to announce its arrival, making aina chuckle. “emitsun, when she was asking me about my birthday present for you around two years ago.”

yoshino steps into the elevator, completely baffled as aina starts giggling into her hand while following her.

ah, aina's so charming – yoshino almost forgot a good rebuttal to her story.

“you didn’t give me anything back then though, so why are you only insistent now?” yoshino mumbles, looking at her own reflection on the mirror walls of the elevator. “also, emitsun _betrayed_ my _trust_.”

“i know i didn't give you anything,” aina says, struggling to contain her amusement as she looks at yoshino’s grumpy expression being reflected on the mirror. “but most important here is i think emitsun showed me how much you care?”

looking a bit further back in her mind, yoshino can admit that she was the driving force for the birthday surprise for aina four years ago, but can't really say everyone else didn't do anything.

“it was a group effort – i didn’t care _that_ much.”

“you did,” aina laughs sonorously, booming in the spacious elevator as she jabs at yoshino’s elbow playfully. “you even coerced kisara-san into getting the cake!”

a few seconds of silence passes, then yoshino looks straight to aina with an exasperated sigh, shoulders slumped. “anyone deserved that, alright?”

“but thing is, i didn’t think i did,” aina smiles, looking back into yoshino’s eyes. “so thanks nan-chan, i still owe you tons.”

the elevator dings, showing that they’ve reached the second basement parking level.

“oh, you forgot to press the ground floor for me?”

aina proceeds to take yoshino by the hand, prying her out of the elevator. “no – i’m still driving you to the venue!”

“ah, you persistent brat!”

🥺

yoshino’s spent almost the whole ride trying to sleep with her chair reclined, only to spend a good third of it staring up at aina being focused on driving.

the passing gleam of the faint morning sun sometimes hits aina's hair, and yoshino smiles at how aina's distinct hair color looks like caramel under the warmth of the sunlight.

aina seems very content and energized – seems like she's enjoying the drive quite a bit, even bursting into song when the choruses hit for some of the songs in her playlist.

_let me hear your voice_

_if we become more honest then surely,_

_we'll be able to love each other,_

_don't you ever look away_

aina sings along so passionately, grinning ear to ear as the boyband croons forth about a complicated love that needs cooperation and… some rap lyrics in english that yoshino wouldn't really understand, unless she searches for it on lyrics websites.

all of this good and all – it’s just a bit unnerving how there’s been nothing but sappy, content-in-love boyband love songs like this on aina’s playlist through the whole ride, which leads it to reverberate into yoshino's being as the sound surrounds her within the tiny confines of the car for quite a long moment.

yoshino's not exactly sure why these love songs even bother her, but they just _do_.

“do you listen to love songs this often?” yoshino finally speaks, pulling her seat back up. "i mean, we watched a bigbang concert together, but that's so many songs about love for a day…"

“aren’t most songs these days just about love, though?” aina quips, glancing at yoshino as she honks her horn at the car that cut her turn off. “but yeah, i _am_ in the mood for it.”

yoshino can’t help but smile, although it doesn’t last long as she takes notice of how aina's eyes are so bright and how her disposition's just so… cheery.

whilst others would assume it's a normal occurrence, yoshino who has been in her car so many times can attest to this side of aina not being very common; oh, aina's as susceptible to road rage as most people are, and she's usually utterly focused on her task.

so aina's been hit with _something_ today.

“oh...” yoshino trails, unable to hide disappointment dripping from her tone. “you’re in _serious_ love with whoever that is…”

“what?” aina asks with a slight glance, braking smoothly as they head into a stoplight. “i already told you, it’s a kinda heartbreaking scenario…”

“no,” yoshino crosses her arms, clicking her tongue in distress. “you said, _‘it will break your heart’_ or something – that’s an important distinction!”

aina laughs under her breath, looking squarely at the flickering countdown of the stoplight. “so? look, it just means i don’t foresee a favorable end to it.”

“i’m moreso worried, really.” yoshino admits, looking onto the people crossing the street in a hurry, profiles flashing by rapidly. “i really don’t want you to get hurt.”

“don’t worry about it – this person would never deliberately hurt me.”

"you're never sure–"

"i _know_ that."

there's an odd itch somewhere inside yoshino and she doesn't know what it's about, but hearing aina sigh after talking just makes yoshino somehow more irritated by the sensation; yoshino's caring way too much about this, but hell does she know about what aina's getting herself into?!

yet yoshino can do nothing but sulk now, staring at the long countdown of the stoplight ticking down from 130.

ah, how long has yoshino even felt so much protectiveness over aina, anyway? yoshino's sure she's always dreaded how aina talked about men, yet the actual thought of aina being truly in love with someone just curdles her blood and twists her guts.

aina glorifies love so much and yoshino can't blame her when she's practically love incarnate; innocent yet risqué, passionate yet gentle, fragile yet strong–

ah, yoshino's ears are getting hot... this is just the worst thing about brutal honesty: no matter how hard she tries to adapt to it, yoshino just instinctively starts wanting to conceal such strong emotions, even if she's finally trying to let them out.

100.

aina laughs nervously, finally turning to yoshino. "nan-chan, this kind of silence is kinda scary… are you mad?"

"look kussun, i'm just concerned," yoshino sighs through her teeth. "does this person know you well?"

"i guess well enough?" aina responds, looking back to the stoplight.

yoshino feels her chest constrict and her throat dry.

"would they support your work?" yoshino pushes through with a croak. "will they commit to you, and only you? how about your independence and your future–"

”nan-chan, i assure you they're a great person," aina hisses, blatantly uneasy and miffed. "i don't even think they'd like me back, so i think those questions don't matter right now."

"if they don't want you then find someone else, kussun." yoshino grumbles, swallowing. "if you won't, then _i'll_ just find you someone else!"

"but i like them!" aina groans, brows furrowed as she turns again to yoshino. "and i think my feelings lingering like this feels _good!_ "

"you're wasting your time," yoshino crosses her arms. "if they're not going cherish you, why bother?"

aina gapes, then swats her hand off in frustration as she turns back to look at the stoplight.

call her irrationally angry, but yoshino believes she deserves the right to be furious about the fact that a woman like aina is not being given the same love she's pouring out.

30.

"i am not wasting any of my time, nan-chan – they _deserve_ my time."

yoshino feels a stronger bout of frustration crash upon her chest, making her clench her jaw and huff such a deep sigh out. “then i’d just recommend you to move on from them, if there’s any possiblity of you ever getting hurt in the end.”

5.

aina can barely glance at yoshino as the light turns green, clicking her tongue back at yoshino. “nan-chan, aren’t you just removing the risk which is the _fun_ out of falling in love?”

the car moves forward again finally.

“wha– no,” yoshino hisses, leaning forward as she tries to avoid inquisition of her motives. “i-i’m just saying…”

“...i should be cautious about love?”

“yeah...”

it is but a few minutes of silence until aina’s slowing the car into a halt, and yoshino wants to bolt out of the car as quickly as she can.

yoshino's motives for her anger are quite different, aren't they?

“nan-chan,” aina finally turns her eyes straight into yoshino’s, stern and inquisitive. “aren’t you becoming afraid of love?”

almost mortified, yoshino just looks at aina with her mouth slightly ajar, left speechless; she really cannot say that she hasn't been trying to close herself off from such intense bursts of feelings, so she can't disprove a claim so disconcerting.

“i mean,” aina clears her throat in obvious discomfort, changing the gear stick to park the car. “you’re the one who told me i shouldn’t follow your ways...”

yoshino can’t look into herself enough to combat aina, so she can’t decide what to say now…

and yet…

“kussun it's definitely not that – i mean, i even tell you that you should entertain marriage, it's just…” yoshino trails, her breath staggering and mind storming. “i know you know enough, it's just that i really don't want you to –”

aina lunges forth and envelopes yoshino into a hug, sighing into her collar, and yoshino can only swallow the lump that's formed in her throat.

“you make up excuses so easily, nan-chan...” aina sighs into yoshino's collar. "don't be scared like this for me, i'm just indulging on feeling love as strong as this..."

yoshino looks out into the clear back alley road and the shimmer of the sun on the clean pavement, wondering why she can't explain what aina's words makes her feel.

yoshino feels her blood pop, fizz and flow within her chest; yeah, aina's just love incarnate… things must be as simple as that.

"i'm sorry," yoshino murmurs, finally glancing down to aina.

this moment brings back that same warmth yoshino woke up to today.

moments pass and yoshino puts a hand on aina's hair, patting her gently with a sigh.

"kussun, how do you continue to love if you don't think you'll be happy in the end?"

aina parts from yoshino, eyes clearly searching for contact, searching for _something_ yoshino couldn't pinpoint–

"because giving feels good, doesn't it?" aina says with a bittersweet smile.

yoshino nods, eyes suddenly drifting to aina's hand sliding down her arm, making their bracelets clash as aina's hand moves to rest low on her wrist.

"i didn't mean to be so cynical," yoshino croaks again, suddenly feeling her throat seize up. "but will you be fine?"

"i will be, and i'm sorry too," aina responds, only to blow a light push on yoshino's far shoulder. "but it's love, dude – not loans!"

feeling as though aina is settling for something so unfair but being unable to know enough nor pry, yoshino only laughs wryly and touches aina's cheek lightly.

the stupid itch continues, and yoshino doesn't know why aina's _problem_ bothers her way too much as aina's warm hands keep a hold on to her wrist with a small smile.

when yoshino parts her hand away from aina's cheek, aina's hand followed down yoshino's lap to rest her fingers on yoshino's knuckles.

the slight, gentle touch on yoshino's fingers and wrist along with aina's comforting smile makes yoshino nervous – so probably, this has become yoshino's own problem to solve, too.

"uh, see you later," yoshino murmurs as she pulls away, reaching for the seatbelt buckle whilst failing to part her gaze from aina. "i suggest being here by 2:30 in the afternoon – i have someone other than grandpa to introduce to you, alright?"

"i've already met yuki-chan!" aina grins. "is she not coming?"

"nope, someone different." yoshino swallows, letting the seatbelt go and grabbing her bag from the floor infront of her. "but she's coming, although sitting a little far from you."

"ah, got it," aina laughs, moving back to her seat as yoshino opens the door. "see ya!"

a light slam, then a quick inhale.

slinging her backpack over her shoulders, yoshino walks on over to the modest flight of stairs to the staff entrance, eyes up to the sky.

the clouds sure are clumping up... the sun still manages to peek through the clouds, yet another inhale tells yoshino of a change in the weather.

a hint of earthy yet warm petrichor fills yoshino's nostrils as she goes forth, invoking comfort, nostalgia, but also a little bit of sadness within her: this day would've really been better if the sun would shine...

but as if on cue, the sun shines through a gap in the clouds as yoshino reached the top of the stairs just near the entrance, making her shield her eyes with her hands.

averting her gaze from the sun, yoshino turns her head, only to catch aina looking her way with a soft expression from inside the car...

 _'why are you still here?!'_ , yoshino mouths to aina, albeit amused at aina's sudden grin.

aina mouths something back, only for yoshino to motion to her ear then laugh and point at aina with her right hand, brows furrowed whilst grinning. 

aina responds by rolling her window down, smile even more bright as she peeks her head out. "i'll go when you get in!"

yoshino scoffs and huffs as she made swatting motions at aina with a hand, encouraging aina to proceed out, which partly works as she lies back into the car with a hearty laugh.

"go on ahead!" yoshino exclaims as she keeps swatting aina off, her voice booming in the back alley's early morning silence.

any onlookers would think they're odd, yet yoshino's heart swells at the thought that aina takes a moment to gaze upon her walking away...

yoshino really values aina's attention highly, that's all...

aina waves to yoshino one last time whilst pulling her window up, and yoshino can only let her hand fall to her side as she watches aina fix her posture to start driving.

the car thrums as aina drives off, and yoshino finally turns to her raised hand blocking the dissipating stream of sunlight.

yoshino gasps at the new sight: her bracelet was glowing under the faint warm light.

with the stones glimmering like the sun itself, yoshino pushes her hand farther away from her sight – the sparkle looks amazing with the blue-grey sky as its backdrop, urging feelings towards open skies, a bright future, and the need to chase the light to arise within yoshino.

_the warmth, that which kept everyone alive and forever will._

yoshino swallows; whilst she always has the overwhelming need to take a photo of everything that touches her, these things would never appear the same behind the lens.

 _these things_ being the colors of embroidered flowers on a skirt, the pour of tea from a smoking pot, the twinkle of lights from a christmas exhibition, the tip of a needle piercing through your skin, the rattle of the bus as you try to eat donuts, the expanse of a mountain range from atop, the torrent of water from waterfalls, the bout of power when mounted on a horse, the rush of the speed behind the wheel of a car, the tousling of your hair inside of a waterball, the uproar of a crowd when cheering for an artist, the triumph of winning a video game group match, the impact of glasses clinking after you've said _cheers_ –

–and aina's smiles towards her, after all these unbelievable adventures.

 _shit,_ yoshino curses, dropping her hand in mortification.

the sunshine fades as the grey clouds pass, and yoshino can only look forth in thought.

wow, aina has made her life so much more exciting – how can anyone not realize how electrifying she is?

yoshino's eyes blur, only to realize that her eyes are watering.

wiping her eyes off and finally taking a step forth, yoshino catches her breath, sniffles, and then opens the door: right, now's not the time...

the day begins now for yoshino, so she should really clear her headspace for the meantime for maximum efficiency.

talking to aina about all this can be for another day, right?

✨

what stuck in yoshino's mind the most from that last scene with aina was how love was supposed to be protected, though.

even as yoshino bowed to everyone, did her stage design checks, lighting checks, blocking checks and soundchecks, her mind still cranked to dissect the situation and understand why her vague understanding of aina's predicament freaked her out so much.

it might just be overprotectiveness most people would have towards a positive energy so distinct in your life, as yoshino's already aware of the change aina's brought into her life anyway.

although already with a supposedly sufficient answer, yoshino, somehow, expounds on her concerns enough for a few points of distress to arise in her mind by the middle of the day:

distressing fact one: she's worried for aina's image now because she doesn't know who this person is;

distressing fact two: she actually has no idea what they could be like;

distressing fact three: she doesn't know if this person would love aina back at all;

distressing fact four: this person might be the one aina would marry;

distressing fact five: this hold-up is leading aina to think she's not immensely loveable;

then, whilst munching on her biscuits as she waits for her makeup and costume staff to finish their lunch, yoshino grumbles at the last distressing fact: being unable to love someone like aina back is _bullshit_ , so there's no explanation as to why they don't like aina back – unless they're gackt-level or something.

yoshino's suddenly a little angry, a tad frustrated, and now especially annoyed because this itch is getting more intolerable by the moment.

aina deserves to _receive_ , too.

focus blooming back into reality, yoshino realizes that she's been staring at her reflection angrily for the past few minutes, jaw feeling as if it's been clenched for hours.

ah, yoshino's too unfamiliar with these feelings, so now she's bit the sides of her tongue too hard...

as yoshino unclenches her jaw whilst taking a deep breath, she rationalizes with herself to calm down: if she's worrying this much, can she even fix the problem herself?

and if she _can_ fix it, does yoshino have anything to give to aina?

**_knock_ **

**_knock knock_ **

**_knock knock_ **

**_knock_ **

**_knock_ **

"yossy, hey!" a very distinct voice singsongs behind the door, startling yoshino. "your staff said you're probably in there?"

looking down at her sloppy, straight-to-work morning look, yoshino shrugs and goes forth to open the door to look at her visitor.

toshiyuki stands there in his plain grainy grey long sleeves, smiling fondly with his hands to his sides.

yoshino deadpans, moving to close the door. "no entering without a gift."

"my wife has it! she's just parking the car, i dropped off my guitar," toshiyuki laughs, pushing the door open. "yeesh, let me greet you happy birthday first bro."

"do it on my actual birthday, cheapskate!" yoshino barks as she pushes back, although she starts laughing as the man overpowers her. "bring her over, i wanna see my gift!"

"i will," toshiyuki laughs as he succeeds to enter the room by squeezing into the gap of the door, making yoshino grumble. "just wanna ask a question!"

"what?"

"your staff said you were in a bad mood?" toshiyuki tuts, wagging his finger as he takes the nearest seat in the room in front of yoshino. "you constipated or something?"

"i took a shit today tossy, it's not that," yoshino clicks her tongue, putting her hands on her hips. "just call your wife over already – that's your gift for me."

toshiyuki hisses, wincing. "oh man, i never seen you annoyed – and you _are_ so don't deny it – but is it important enough to get you during your birthday?"

yoshino only raises an incredulous, slightly confused eyebrow on him, making toshiyuki wince further.

"i'll only call my wife over once you tell me what's up," toshiyuki nods, crossing his legs as he leans forward. "your staff never saw you like this before, y'know."

"huh," yoshino sighs, combing her hair back with a hand. "well, nothing much has changed…"

" _much_ ," toshiyuki perks up, leaning further forward.

with a sigh, yoshino just panders to him.

"alright, something hasn't been normal for me these past few days – one of my friends…" yoshino suddenly clicks her tongue, remembering to obscure details. "...has been making me do a lot of thinking."

toshiyuki's expression turns stern, "...and this friend did this, how?"

"this friend got me to pour my heart out recently," yoshino looks towards her phone blankly, pursing her lips. "and got me to think about honesty towards myself and others…"

toshiyuki nods, "go on."

"i opened up about my romantic past tossy, that's all," yoshino blinks, suddenly seeing her phone screen light up due to a LINE notification. "i'm just more honest to myself now, more open."

"huh, that's strange." toshiyuki puts his hand on his chin. "you sound like you aren't, but you say you are?"

"what does that mean?" yoshino laughs wryly, walking towards her phone. "just because i'm suddenly more angry?"

"yeah, but i do see that as a positive!" toshiyuki says as he stands up, easily towering over yoshino. "but dude, you're still omitting something."

"no," yoshino picks up her phone, glancing at toshiyuki who has his hand on his hip, only to look away as she meets his eyes. "i guess they slept over for two nights, but a few other friends do that too anyway…"

toshiyuki can only respond with a low hum that goes on as he ponders to himself.

"this friend has been sleeping over for the past year or so, but i guess not as frequently as now?" yoshino mumbles, mulling through if she should open the message right now. "i'm suddenly experiencing living with someone again, yeah."

"didn't ask for any of that," toshiyuki suddenly grins. "i take it you enjoyed the company of this person, huh?"

"we've been good friends for a good part of the decade, but i guess we've only really became incredibly close in the recent few years," yoshino finally smiles.

"anything bothering you, then?" toshiyuki lays his palms flat on yoshino's table, leaning forward with genuine curiosity. "it doesn't seem to be work-related, so is it them?"

"kinda? sorta?" yoshino glances to toshiyuki. "i mean, i feel fine and secure about my own feelings?"

"...you sure?"

a moment of silence; one that's agitated only by toshiyuki tilting his head and humming in thought.

if she were to be honest, yoshino knows she's currently just avoiding disclosing her true woes and coming to that easy, yet uncertain and messy conclusion–

"god i got nothing, so i'm just gonna assume you've got an issue with this sleepover friend or can't admit you like them!" toshiyuki says, raising his arms in confusion and defeat, turning away from yoshino.

alarmed, yoshino puts her phone down, snapping her head to face toshiyuki in defiance. "no! they're into someone already–"

"–oh god you _like_ them."

–yoshino's _devastated_ , and she can now feel it as her heart shatters.

"and you're jealous," toshiyuki deadpans, turning back to yoshino only to burst out laughing at her blatant dread. "oh holy shit, you're _so jealous_ of something."

"j-just," yoshino turns to face her phone again, stammering as her ears take heat. "call your wife over already."

"alright, deal's a deal, so i shall." toshiyuki chuckles, shaking his head as he takes out his phone from his back pocket. "get closure dude, you're too pressed – admit to your feelings and rip off that band-aid."

yoshino can only stare at the LINE notifications flashing by on her notification drawer, letting out a small sound of acknowledgement.

"or i don't know yossy, be profound and let this girl guess?" toshiyuki snorts. "this could either be the end or the beginning for you, pal."

"god no," yoshino laughs, breathing feeling more relaxed. "she deserves some certainty, and i want a beginning."

> **_aina_ ** _🦑: on my way there, nan-chan!_
> 
> **_aina_ ** _🦑: got any ideas on what my present would be?_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: you might cry, oh it's really personal, you're gonna feel my love_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: you can open it onstage tho (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ [2:13 PM]_

> **_NY:_ ** _see ya_
> 
> **_NY_ ** _: what's the present? don't make me cry! [2:16 PM]_

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: hahahahahahahah (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ [2:17 PM]_

  
  


"wait shit, _she_! i was right!"

"fuck you, tossy."

✨

alright, maybe toshiyuki was right about playing cool–

with her manager holding her bag in tow, aina has arrived looking ~~godly~~ ~~amazing~~ breathtaking in her white sundress, grinning widely whilst she bows to yoshino's staff as she walks down the narrow hallway.

yoshino stands at the middle of the hallway directly in front of aina, feeling as if she was going to get married at the countryside, but at the same time explode into a million tiny yoshino pieces.

aina flashes a signature gum-out blinding smile to yoshino, running as fast as she can in her heels to hug yoshino tightly.

yoshino knows how to catch her, and aina giggles as they make impact.

–nope, yoshino might never confront these feelings: that'll scare aina off, and yoshino will hate herself forever for being so impulsive and putting an end to all the greatness aina has brought into her life.

"hey," aina's bright eyes meet yoshino as they part, but aina keeps her arms slung over yoshino's shoulders. "everything gone over well?"

"i've gotten better since this morning, but now i'm upset because you wore heels," yoshino deadpans, only to break into a laugh when aina rolls her eyes and pushes her away in a response.

aina laughs along, and yoshino feels her heart jump to her throat as she catches her own breath.

"like my outfit?" aina steps back, doing a quick twirl as a showcase to yoshino. "my stylist said _'the simpler the better'_ , so i picked this."

yoshino giggles, fondly gazing at aina, admiring her kempt posture and sunny disposition. "you look amazing with the botanical print – it would compliment my outfit too, actually!"

"really?" aina smiles, lifting up on her toes in excitement. "change into it already, then!"

"yeah, but i'll introduce you to my friend first," yoshino says loudly, grabbing a hold on aina's hand to tug her off to toshiyuki's open dressing room. "and her husband!"

"i heard that!" toshiyuki blurts, stomping with his hat in tow. "i'm the friend – absolutely disrespectful!"

"dude, just introduce yourself to the lovely lady," yoshino tuts, motioning over to aina.

"of course i will," toshiyuki rolls his eyes as he straightens his posture to bow. "hello _lovely lady_ , i'm toshiyuki toyonaga! please do well with me."

"likewise, i'm aina kusuda!" aina says, bowing then bumping her hip to the side upon hearing yoshino snicker. "please do well with me."

"my wife's in the toilet," toshiyuki smiles, looking at yoshino before motioning to the door adjacent to where they stood. "funny, she was looking forward to this since yossy mentioned it!"

"yossy?" aina says, unable to hold back her giggles as she looks on to yoshino.

yoshino sighs in exasperation, looking back at aina. "everyone calls him _tossy_ – it's with our first names."

aina giggles again, and yoshino's pretty sure her insides are being tickled somehow by that specific frequency as she can't hold herself from grinning.

"well then, everyone just calls me kussun," aina looks up to toshiyuki, making the man chuckle. "looking forward to seeing you perform tonight, toyon–"

"ah, if i start calling you kussun, you'd have to start calling me tossy too." toshiyuki tuts, making yoshino snort and laugh into her hand.

"getting along so early," aina giggles, bowing her head a bit. "tossy-senpai, please take care of me!"

yoshino sputters under her breath in surprise, "tossy- _senpai!?"_

"got anything to say 'bout it, yosh?" toshiyuki jabs, only to turn and bow again to aina. "hope i'll be able to, kussun!"

"surely," aina giggles, swatting yoshino's arm away as she physically tries to get in between the two in conversation. "i'll share a drink with your wife later in the party!"

"oi, i said nothing about finding a new senpai!" yoshino sulks, making both toshiyuki and aina laugh.

"always room for something new, right kussun?" 

"get in line, nanjo-san!" aina says, taking a step back as she rolls her eyes in joyous laughter.

"this is targeted exclusion," yoshino huffs whilst crossing her arms, only to sputter when aina leans into her shoulder to laugh more. 

although annoyed, yoshino can't stop herself from grinning, only to glare as she catches toshiyuki hiding a deviant grin behind his fist.

then, toshiyuki's manager calls his attention loudly, jolting all of the three from their laughter.

"hey, i'll call you guys over when she's back, alright?" toshiyuki clears his throat out, holding out his hand for aina to shake. "very great day this is, for me and yossy to finally meet each other's wives!"

aina freezes for a second before taking toshiyuki's hand to shake, and yoshino finally feels an urge she's never felt before:

the urge to kick toshiyuki's ass.

"dude, shut up."

🤬

yoshino can really admit it now: at the age of 33, she's still an absolute doofus when it comes to liking someone... is she suddenly back in college, floundering during her first time through tokyo with a pretty girl again?

yoshino hasn't been nervous about jokingly flirting with someone in a while...

aina gives yoshino some kind of nostalgic comfort, yet also an adrenaline rush as she gives in to her own feelings; it's ridiculous how the simplest things sets fireworks in yoshino's mind now.

lying on her side on the quaint sofa in aina's dressing room, yoshino stares with a dumb, cheeky grin as aina sits on a swivel chair and looks over the pieces of merchandise yoshino gave her.

aina looks so _good_.

"i really like the shirts," aina notes as she feels over the print of the two shirts laid infront of her. "can you give me your manufacturer?"

"sure," yoshino says, still scanning over aina's figure and her wonderful arms accentuated by those loose barely-there sleeves over the tube top of her dress.

aina turns away from yoshino a little which shows off her nice back from the little window the dress provides, leaving yoshino's mouth agape.

if yoshino's to be really honest though, she's always done this even before things seemed like they changed; aina's just so damn _pretty_ , everyone probably does it too. has anyone seen aina's cheekbones from all possible angles? holy _shit_.

swooning over aina is valid: she's supposed to be swooned over, looking that wonderful – aina's made for praise.

"number?" aina turns to her, making yoshino snap out of her headspace.

"o-oh yeah," yoshino laughs wryly. "will ask it from my manager, he knows who scouted them up."

"wanna make a patch like yours from your christmas live," aina laughs a little, looking fondly down at the small lightstick keychain. "no way – a baby cylume?!"

yoshino's laugh bubbles up in her throat, her body curling up in the couch as aina dangles the keychain up in amusement. "ah, _baby cylume_ is such a funny term, but yeah."

"can't believe you've done this," aina hisses. "you've got no competition in the merch game!"

"yeah yeah, it's fascinating to conceptualize," yoshino nods, sitting up properly. "it's a majority of my income anyway, so i just give it that much more effort."

"smart move," aina nods. "makes me wanna try to up my game – maybe a miso soup set?!"

yoshino bursts out laughing, falling back onto the sofa. "what? where would you even source that?!"

aina only responds with a firm clap, turning her swivel chair to face yoshino who is still struggling from laughter. "but _imagine_ how bizarre it would be, that would make it even more desirable!"

"true," yoshino nods as she straightens her back out again. "i'd actually want two of those for myself, probably."

"really, huh?"

"yeah," yoshino decides, placing her palms on her knees. "reserve me two sets, as i'm set to replace all my cutlery with aina-only merchandise."

this time, aina is the one who bursts out laughing, throwing her head back with such jovial delight as her hands fly to cover her eyes.

"no, oh god!" aina says amidst her laughter, waving her hands in hysterics. "you're going to scare off _anyone_ who would want to live with you!"

yoshino smirks, chuckling. "even you?"

" _especially_ me," aina rests her elbows on the armrests of the chair, slumping forward the shaking her head. "what would your mom think of me?!"

"she thinks you're nice, don't worry!" yoshino shrugs, pushing off the sofa to stand up. "she thinks you're endearing, since you try your very best in a lot of my stories."

"adds a lot to my points if i got you cutlery, then?" aina inquires, gummy smile on full display.

**knock knock knock**

"very much so, promoting me eating and cooking at home," yoshino says, completely ignoring her staff as she makes her way towards aina. "god, you should really come to shizuoka again after this…"

"i doubt i'd do it alone," aina smiles, looking up to yoshino. "take me to that strawberry field next time?"

"sure," yoshino nods, leaning down to maintain eye contact, closer to aina…

yoshino doesn't really know why she wants to close the space, but here she is now, hovering over aina who gives her a gentle smile and expectant stare, pulling her in.

now yoshino rests her palms on the armrests of the chair, heartbeat thudding harshly on her pulse points making her shudder as aina closes her eyes ever so slowly…

aina smells so good, like a field of flowers and honey and citrus – she's just like heaven, and yoshino wants to join the angels...

**knock knock knock**

**_"nanjo-san, it's styling call time!"_ **

...after seconds of lingering over her, yoshino swallows a lump in her throat and straightens up, exhaling harshly as she's forgotten how to breathe all those seconds.

"r-right," yoshino clears her throat, breath shuddering as she turns away. "i gotta go…"

"see you in a while," aina says, almost sounding forlorn as yoshino steps towards the door. "can't wait to see the costume."

"yeah, i think you'll like it," yoshino huffs in thought, a million reminders floating around her mind. "and don't be afraid to talk to tossy, alright? he's just like me, just chattier sometimes."

yoshino frowns as she touches the door handle, feeling terrible as she tries to ignore the stabbing pains in her chest.

aina felt so close, so easy to hold in her arms – and yet…

stepping out, yoshino lets her staff whisk her away, still deep in thought.

...and yet, _loving_ aina seems like a mistake.

🏃🏻

after staring at herself for minutes on end, her styling team finally finishes their work and yoshino pinpoints her fear and her true final distressing fact: yoshino's painfully lonely, painfully protective, and painfully intoxicated that it feels wrong to love aina now, as it would be like relying on aina to relieve her of this emptiness.

yoshino's aware that this is the worst time to think about it, getting hopped on nervousness just minutes away from performing too, but she just can't really help but wonder if she's any worthy to love aina.

jaw tense again but mind more aware of her own feelings, yoshino tries to hold herself on a trial amidst her other worries:

_does yoshino nanjo know aina kusuda well enough?_

> yes, surely enough.

_will yoshino nanjo support all of aina kusuda's endeavors?_

> yes, and always will provide anecdotes and advices to help her with her decisions.

_does yoshino nanjo consider looking towards anyone else that isn't aina kusuda?_

> not at all – she's already everything wonderful in this world.

_will yoshino nanjo allow aina kusuda to act independently, never blocking her from her choices?_

> yes, as aina has always been a free spirit and that's what's lovely about her.

_will yoshino nanjo do everything ensuring aina kusuda's future?_

> yes, with pen and paper – writing her as a beneficiary in insurances and wills is a given, is it not? that car and that house should not be a joke.

_does yoshino nanjo want to spend every waking moment with aina kusuda?_

> yes, along with every moment her eyelids droop as she slips into sleep.

_will yoshino nanjo hide anything important from aina kusuda?_

yoshino exits her headspace, noticing the cacophony of the dressing room again…

the only true way that yoshino would feel true to herself and to aina would be to let aina know of her affections.

yoshino's willing to be the person she sees would love aina the way aina deserves; that alone should be sufficient, right?

maybe yoshino should've asked yoko, ai, yuki or even _riho_ to do the interrogation on her, as they'd actually do it correctly yet also poke fun at yoshino's crazy standard for aina…

but right now, yoshino feels worthy enough to at least try.

huffing harshly, yoshino picks up her phone and opens LINE, staring at aina's chat for a moment before shrugging and just going forth.

> **_NY_ ** _: i think i have more truths to admit to you_
> 
> **_NY_ ** _: although it might be better said some other time, can i tell you about it if you're available after the afterparty?_
> 
> **_NY_ ** _: don't worry though, it'll probably make you laugh [3:28 PM]_

this, is as toshiyuki put it: _'ripping the band-aid off'_.

an agonizing minute passes and yoshino just leaves her phone open as she places it down onto the table, frowning as she waits for the message to display **Read** above the timestamp.

that minute turns into two and yoshino slumps on the chair, sighing so deeply it practically deflates her: who knew having crushes at the age of 33 could still be so nerve-wracking?

yoshino's an adult, but falling in love is like her first sip of alcohol all over again: it's so bitter, so why do people keep coming back?

the phone's backlight finally dims, signifying that it has been three minutes, and yoshino just chews at the inside of her cheek.

a few anxious sighs from yoshino later, the phone lights up again to a notification from aina, jolting yoshino off of her slump.

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: now this is the nan-chan i came to support!_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: let's see what time the afterparty will end_
> 
> _**aina** 🦑: i won't laugh as long as both of us don't get too much alcohol during the party [3:33 PM] _

yoshino winces in response, although she's already smiling again.

alcohol has a stinging burn down your throat, but it gets pleasant with time.

> **_NY_ ** _: it's actually very funny, you can laugh all you want [3:33 PM]_

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: no, you can rely on me to treat it with utter seriousness._
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: btw, my sister said happy birthday_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: and she really, really wants to meet you when you come pass your tour thru chiba [3:35 PM]_

> **_NY_ ** _: ah, but it's just me venting…_
> 
> **_NY_ ** _: also, i doubt she'd want to see me alone (lol) that's so nerve-wracking too [3:35 PM]_

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: still._
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: also i think my sister does want to see you alone, like, live_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: if it's any help, there's a rose garden right smack in narashino and i can take you there_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: in exchange for that strawberry field trip i want! 😌 [3:36 PM]_

> **_NY_ ** _: that actually makes me more nervous, oh no (lol). though the garden does sound good, when's the next season for roses? [3:37 PM]_

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: you're seriously gonna wait that long? ಠ益ಠ [3:37 PM]_

why else would they go to a rose garden if the flowers weren't in bloom? yoshino can only laugh under her breath, shaking her head. 

> **_NY_ ** _: alright then, just dictate the direction of my life oh goddess of harmony [3:38 PM]_

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: alright!_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: that's dissidia right? what was her name again? [3:38 PM]_

> **_NY_ ** _: cosmos [3:38 PM]_

tapping her fingers on the table, yoshino glances down on her bracelet, that of which is rolling against her wrist and her watch as she moves her hand. she should really put these back in her bag…

standing and moving to her vinyl backpack on the small sofa at the end of the room, yoshino does a few deep breaths to calm her unease as she fishes for the pouch for her accessories.

once yoshino pulls her pouch out of her bag, she runs through the motions of removing her bracelet and unclasping her watch, mostly wondering about how her fans would react to aina suddenly walking into the stage with such a casual introduction.

whilst a humble introduction would be appropriate, yoshino still wishes she could introduce aina a little more extravagantly to the crowd; maybe a little over-the-top velvet carpet treatment with flowers wouldn't have hurt, right?

_oh geez_ , yoshino cringes, realizing that her mind is projecting something similar to wedding imagery on aina – the second time today.

aina would find yoshino's problem funny, probably.

yoshino places her accessories into the pouch and then tosses the pouch into the bag, turning back to take her phone from the table whilst formulating a joke that's only a little bit undercooked.

> **_NY_ ** _: oh right, tell your sister i said thanks and that she's also invited to my wedding [3:42 PM]_

yoshino can only cackle as aina almost immediately sees the message.

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: what the fuck [3:43 PM]_

> **_NY_ ** _: you aren't invited ok (lol) [3:43 PM]_

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: i'll crash the party!!!_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: it's call time, you're dead to me 🙄_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: i'm not inviting you to my wedding either 🙄_
> 
> **_aina🦑_ ** _: 🙄 [3:44 PM]_

yoshino looks around, confused but laughing at aina's statement: what call time? yoshino's staff were still on their hand radios confirming logistics around the venue, so yoshino would assume she still has at least five minutes to shake off her jitters.

another **buzz** goes off from yoshino's phone.

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: get ready about your gift btw, hahahahahahahahahaha [3:45 PM]_

what could aina's gift be, anyway? yoshino's almost more nervous about melting emotionally onstage due to it now than be mortified about her actual performances.

> **_NY_ ** _: stop taunting meeee 😵 [3:45 PM]_

> **_aina🦑_ ** _: never 😝 [3:45 PM]_

_that girl,_ yoshino sighs, turning her phone screen off.

alcohol isn't for everyone, but it's truly a treat when you've gone and developed the taste and tolerance for it.

"everyone ready?" yoshino calls to the people around her. "can we call our band members to the foyer now? i'm pretty much ready."

yoshino just stretches her limbs and her neck, taking deep breaths; guess they'll never be more ready than they already are, so they'd better dive in now.

it's just like taking that first shot.

🙄

"your grandfather just arrived," her personal assistant announces after a radio transmission, patting yoshino's back as she leans at the wall next to to her. "it'll be alright!"

"ah, so late… where's the band, though?!" yoshino huffs, obviously frazzled. "it's been 5 minutes, this is just so weird i'm–"

"hey yossy!" toshiyuki says with a smile, walking calmly towards yoshino. "our managers just went out and the wife's in her seat by now – kusuda-san already met h...uh."

toshiyuki finally takes notice that yoshino is but the opposite of his demeanor, not even looking his way whilst tapping her right foot rapidly and posture stiff; yoshino's just staring at the plain white wall adjacent to her, stonefaced.

"...nervous?"

"very," yoshino finally turns to him. "i mean, you're still here and the band's not here yet–"

"oh, that?" toshiyuki perks, putting his warm hand over yoshino's shoulder. "kusuda-san called me over! i get why you like her – that thoughtful one."

"what?" eyebrows scrunched, yoshino looks up to toshiyuki. "what did she do?"

"your band and manager's coming over," toshiyuki chuckles. "just know that kusuda-san said the two of us should also be in the encouragement circle, since we're performing too."

just on queue, yoshino hears distant footsteps coming closer, making toshiyuki point his hands back to where he came from with a reassuring smile.

"you'll be fine, dude." 

"sorry we're late!" kitamura chimes in, walking next to aina with the others in the band following them. "we were planning to all give you the same gift."

"get out," yoshino groans, only to laugh as everyone else does. "let's just get on with it!"

placing her right hand palm down hovering in the air, yoshino beckons everyone in with a simple nudge of her head.

everyone weirdly makes convoluted position shuffling as they blatantly nudge aina to stand next to yoshino, making the two lock eyes and shrug with their knowing smiles.

for some reason, everyone just gravitates to thinking that yoshino and aina belong together, and yoshino wants to hear about why someday – because the way aina flushes her body against yoshino's makes her think they they might just truly belong, and maybe she should hold aina tight and never let her go.

toshiyuki clears his throat a little, snapping yoshino out of her headspace.

"oh right, i talk," yoshino mumbles, garnering a chuckle from everyone as she takes a deep breath. "thank you for coming today, you all. i hope we can perform as perfectly as possible, and play in perfect harmony."

yoshino pauses to look at everyone in the circle, smiling proudly. "it is an absolute honor to be performing with all of you tonight, and i hope you're all harmonious with me!"

"yes!"

"you next, tossy?" yoshino chides, making the man let out a half-hearted noise that got everyone to chuckle. "you made it here first!"

toshiyuki rolls his eyes, making aina giggle.

"alright, thanks for accepting me into the cult!" toshiyuki jokes, making everyone laugh. "but right – we're all truly here because of yossy over there, so it's truly an honor to be part of this event. thanks all for being friendly, and i hope you all do well with me!"

"yes!"

"anyone else?" yoshino looks around the circle, comically holding off aina's turn by deliberately not looking at her.

"oh dude what the hell," toshiyuki whines, making everyone laugh.

"alright, my turn!" aina says through her laugh, nudging yoshino by the elbow.

has yoshino mentioned that aina smells like a goddess yet? because aina always smells like a goddess and being in near proximity practically intoxicates her.

huh, she might have a thing for that trait...

"as tossy-senpai said, we're all gathered here today to support nan-chan," aina says with a brazen air to her voice. "so i ask everyone to bring their best today, for nan-chan gives her best to everything she does, and we wouldn't have this moment to showcase our talents if it wasn't for her."

"h-how nice," yoshino murmurs to herself, surprised by aina's sudden rare verbosity.

"nan-chan, thank you for for giving us your trust, everyone thank you for being here to support her, and i hope you all do well with me!" aina concludes with her signature smile.

"yes!"

"wow, knocked me out of the game for once," yoshino chuckles, genuinely shocked on aina's confidence in front of almost strangers. "all's been practically said…"

"don't try to make yours longer," yoshino's manager jibes, making yoshino groan as everyone laughs.

"alright, keeping it simple!" yoshino exclaims. "we're gonna give it our best so we can pig out for the party tonight, right?"

"yes!"

"please take care of one another, thank you for coming, i'm counting on you so please do well with me!" yoshino finishes, pushing the hands down the middle, only to spring them back up.

seeing nine hands up in the air, only to look to her side and see aina's toothy grin directed at her – yoshino hasn't experienced that in a while…

everyone in the circle gave yoshino pat on the back, only to turn away and walk towards the stageside entrance without another word.

an executive producer in yoshino's music label passes by too, giving her head a light pat.

everyone in the hall disperses quickly with the staff being led by the executive to go out to their stations, and yet yoshino's unable to pry her eyes from aina nor move.

with the way everyone left so abruptly, yoshino can only guess that they felt that there's something still left to be said between the two of them.

yoshino notices that aina is taking deep breaths, too.

"good luck out there!" aina says with her signature grin, still keeping eye contact with yoshino. "can't wait to meet your grandpa and keep him company."

the two of them really made it this far into life together, and yet yoshino still wishes she bridged the gap between her and aina sooner.

something within yoshino just tells her that aina belongs here, even without these feelings that yoshino developed for her.

after years of asking aina to come to her, join her in her world and guest in her concerts, yoshino feels complete now having her here next to her.

aina will always be special, nevermind this yearning yoshino's feeling for her.

and yet, falling for aina feels like an inevitability.

"kussun," yoshino starts, taking a step forward to swallow down her jitters. "thanks for being here for me now – it's so worth the wait."

"no problem – you were there for me more often," aina laughs lightly, proceeding to hold yoshino to her side by the hip. "i'm just leveling it all out."

yoshino sighs in contentment, leaning her head onto aina's shoulder.

the two of them share a moment of silence, even though they're surrounded by the cacophony of staff fixing up the venue in the close distance.

"i want you to rely on me tonight, nan-chan," aina sighs, hand on yoshino's hip rounding up on her waist. "just like how i've relied on you."

yoshino stands up straight, breaking away to turn to face aina, only for aina to catch her hands and hold them together in her own.

"no, not just that," aina takes a deep breath, crouching a little to look at yoshino's eyes squarely. "i want to be integral to you, and i want to always be here with you…"

"kussun…" yoshino croaks, only to glance away as she hears footsteps approaching them.

"3 minutes dudes," toshiyuki says sheepishly with a wave of a hand, turning away to the exit. "i'll be going to my seat now!"

"we should reserve this for tonight," yoshino can only sigh, looking into aina's eyes again. "but believe me – you _are_ integral, i can't go on without you, and i need you in my life."

yoshino's heartbeat is booming against her chest, yet she slips one hand out of aina's grasp to caress her cheek; she's said too much already, but this feels _needed_ , like butterflies finally aflutter after days of endless rain.

"i can't wait to explain myself tonight actually," yoshino chuckles, pressing her forehead against aina's. 

looking down at aina's hands still clasped around one of hers, yoshino notices the bracelet they got together, gleaming even under their shadows.

yoshino scans over aina's face, unable to understand her slightly shocked expression, yet almost feels like she does when aina places her hands on the nape of yoshino's neck then leans her face closer…

yoshino drops her hand to her side.

  
  


aina's lips barely brushed hers, yet yoshino could barely _breathe_.

  
  
  


aina steps away, letting her hands drop to her sides. "i h-hope that's…"

  
  


" _yes_ ," yoshino says as she gasps for air, stepping forth to hold aina's left hand, slouching over her wrist to hold it against her lips. "it's fine."

yoshino could feel aina's frantic pulse against her lips and smiles,

kissing the bracelet as she maintains eye contact with aina–

yoshino can't express the thudding of her heart back to aina through words right now, but this will do.

aina just nods, stepping closer to pull yoshino's hand, placing the wrist against her ear.

they could only share a laugh, and yet yoshino's heart skips as aina nuzzles into her wrist: only they understand each other, and...

"can you hear it?"

"i'm the only one who could hear it."

  
  
  


**_"nanjo-san, call time!"_ **

  
  
  
  


**nunc scio quid sit amor.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't drop the phone,
> 
> there's still something to be said.


End file.
